I have a mini family crisis that has come up. I need to travel this weekend for it. It will cost me around $350, gas, tolls, dog sitters, food, lodging. It's times like this I love my Efund. It's times like this, I really don't like my family, especially those members who are old enough to know better..
I have some cousins that are, for the most part, great people. Except for my cousin Sam. Sam is a lazy, lazy human being, wildly catered to by his mother. Until these past few months. His sister on the other hand, is bright, ambitious, hard working and a very no nonsense person. She is my cousin who has a house on the Jersey Shore, she takes good care of herself and good care of her mother. She is not overly fond of her brother.
Sam lacks ambition in many areas and has lived on and off with is parents for his entire life. After grandma died 20 years ago, Sam eventually took up residence in her granny apartment, enjoying home cooked meals and laundry being done by mom. Last year he decided he wanted to rent his own place without roommates. To shorten this tale, he is being evicted for non payment of rent. The eviction notice states he will be evicted on Monday. His mother gave him all sorts of furniture, cash, household items, etc for his place. Since he got the eviction notice, he pretty much upped and left the house and all the items his mother gave him. Oh yeah, he's 38 and his latest girlfriend is 25.
His sister and I are going to pack up the house this weekend and UHaul mom's items back home. From what I understand, the house is such a wreck that my cousin said it is not fit for us to stay there, but to stay in hotel. My cousin is livid with her brother. He's walked away from apartments and houses before, but he's had roommates. Oh did I also mention he forged his mother's signature as a co-signer on the lease? She found out when the landlord started calling her looking for the rent and stated that she was a co-signer, so she could fork over the rent. Oh did I mention that the landlord is also well known to the family? That's the main reason we are going, we need to not only get the furniture, but to clean the house and save family honor.
My cousin has gotten a lawyer to sort out the forgery, she has called the landlord to tell him it's a forgery and to stop harrassing an old lady, she has somewhat calmed down her mother, she is ready to go postal on her brother-all this when she had plans to put the finishing touches on her place on the Jersey Shore this week and weekend since she has paying tenants coming in for the month of July. Tenants who have pre-paid in cash and are expecting a clean house and a mowed lawn come Tuesday morning.
Sam's response was that he with held rent because the landlord did not follow up on repairs to the house (repairs needed due to damage by Sam and his buddies too). My cousin and I are going to load up the furniture (what's not totally destroyed) and the other items that belong to her mom and bring them home. We plan on putting them in the granny apartment and have strongly suggested to her mom that Sam not be allowed to move back home after this latest and greatest episode. He can go mooch off of one of his worthless friends, like his 25 year old girlfriend.
My aunt has offered me money, but I'm not taking it. She is truly distressed over this incident. My female cousin will probably buy me dinner most nights, she's good like this, I'm hoping she will pick up the full hotel bill. Families, gotta love them. I'm not doing this because I'm a good person, I'm doing this because my one cousin asked me to help her. I'd rather have my weekend at home, but I also don't want to see my elderly aunt get soo distressed over this despite her own enabling of the situation......
5 comments:
I would be honest with your cousin - and tell her that you will gladly help her out but to pay for the hotel will be too much for your finances. You may want to buy sandwich fixings for lunch, etc.
'Sam' sounds like a piece of work and knows someone will always bail him out. I hope your aunt listens to your cousin and doesn't let him move back in. Maybe they need to rent the granny appt so it is not available.
Susan
STOP!!! BAILING OUT SAM!!! OMG!!! That is the only way he will grow up, he knows someone will come to the rescue. I know you love-like your cousin, but honey; that is way too much to ask of you! If you are going, she should pay for everything down to the dog sitter. I've had family and friends like this, I've cut them loose. I don't clean up a mess that someone else has done...I'm much happier without the DRAMA! And, so will you! You are spending $ that YOU have worked very hard for to bail out someone that DOES'T WORK!! Let this be the last. Take the $ your family offers..YOU HAVE EARNED THAT TOO!!
38!!! Sam needs to grow up. DON"T HELP HIM! Your poor Aunt and Cousin for having to take time out of her life to fix one of her brothers mistakes. Ugh, jail is where he needs to go for forgery.
I disagree with your commentors - it seems to me you aren't bailing Sam out at all. You are giving a set of helping hands to the rest of the family by rescuing family items. You are also helping the friend of the family, by cleaning out the apartment. Okay, maybe Sam should be a responsible person and do it himself, but if he won't pay the rent, he certainly won't do this. (Withholding rent for non-repairs is illegal by the way. You have to put it into an escrow account then go to small claims court.) So, you're doing this for the rest of your family who you do love and respect - not to help Sam.
I do think you should let them help out a bit with expenses though. You are giving your time and effort. Not ask them to pay for everything, but picking up the hotel and some of your meals is the least they can do. Don't be tempted to do what I always do and say "Oh no, it is fine..." when you don't mean it. I always regret it later. Take want you think you are owned, without protest. :)
Hi All,
Thanks for the comments,Families are freaky! Nope I did not bail out Sam, his sister and I spent the weekend getting back his mothers possessions and cleaning the house and returning said possessions to her house and doing a photo inventory of the house and supposed damage in question. We are both in agreement that the landlord has every right to the security deposit because of some of the damage.
My cousin did pay for my hotel and most of my meals, but I paid for my dog sitter, car snacks and gas and tolls.
We both had a discussion with my auntie about what ENABLING truly is. We have no idea if it will stick, but for right now, we think it is. Being threatend with court case was a little off putting to her to say the least.
Yup, 38 and nary a clue how to be an adult. Scary concept. The sad part is women of a certain age in my family seem to be programmed to enable their male off spring.
My own bed felt really good last night.
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