Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Expected, But Also Very Unexpected

I got a phone call I had been half expecting to get, but did not think I would get until much later this year or maybe even next year.  My elderly friend passed away the other day.  I had blogged about her ill health.  It finally caught up with her.  I am saddened for a number of reasons. One is obviously her passing.  The other reason is her fall out with our mutal friend Dee.  They had been close for a number of years and their falling out was more my elderly friend not being able to accept her failing health and taking responsibility for taking care of herself.  I am saddened because I wonder if my elderly friends resistance to making lifestyle changes contributed to her passing. 

I am also distressed with myself as I had not spoken to her in a few weeks, nor had I left a message on her mobile.  I had sent a few quick e-mails, to say Hi and to Just Check In sort of thing. I knew she had gone back into the rehab facility and had limited access to her phone and computer, but thought that she would be back out in a few weeks as had been the MO this past year. Not this time. Can you say GUILT? How hard would it have been to take the few extra minutes to make the phone call and speak to the person? Or made the drive to the facility to say hello.  Sigh, all I can do now is say a prayer for her. At her request, no service will be held and her step daughters are doing a private creamation.  I am saddened by the loss of a person who's company I truly enjoyed. I am going to miss that snarky New England Humor and her New England accent.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's passing.

If this is the same friend whose dog you took in (and I think it is, but it is not specified), you did a very nice thing taking in the dog, above and beyond what a lot of folks would have done, and something that would have relieved alot of stress for her, so I hope you can balance that with any guilt you're feeling.

Bouncing Back said...

yes it is one in the same. I've know this person for a number of years and I took the dog last year when she lost her husband unexpectedly.

Revanche said...

I'm sorry to hear your friend passed.

Shevy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I totally understand about the guilt you feel, even though I don't believe you should feel guilty, if that makes any sense.

Many years ago, my grandmother was in the hospital after having had a stroke. I lived several hundred miles away and was visiting with my toddler and baby.

I visited her a few times with the kids (hard with an active 3 year old) but one afternoon we got to the hospital and the kids were asleep in their car seats.

I just didn't have the strength to get them both up and sat in the car with them while my mother went in for a visit. I figured I could go the next day. Only there wasn't a next day, because she passed away.

For years I've felt guilty that I sat in the car in the hospital parking lot and didn't go up. I'm not sorry I didn't wake the kids but it never occurred to me to ask my mother to sit in the car for a couple of minutes after her visit and go up myself, just to say hi.

Yes, I know I shouldn't feel guilty and you shouldn't either. You've taken in her dog, you've tried to help her in other ways and you did a lot.

marci said...

Hey, I'm so sorry for the loss of your good friend. That is always a hard thing to go through. About 2 years ago, I had a best friend from high school die from skin cancer. We had fallen out of touch and weren't really friends towards the end and I've felt completely guilty about that ever since. I'm not proud of myself for avoiding reaching out to her. But the more I dwell on the past, the less time I have to focus on my future and present. So I ask forgiveness and move on. I hope you can find peace with your friend's passing.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your help!