Taking A More Rational Look

Like I posted yesterday, the Trustee only had a few questions about my Bankruptcy Petition. You can click here to see that post. While I am disappointed and a bit upset to have my petition date moved back, I should not be, and am not 100% surprised. The Trustee did ask about my taxes and tax return and I did tell him I was not expecting a refund in 2008 like I had in 2007.

Driving up to see friends for dinner last night I talked to myself in the car about this (and yes I am one of those people who talks to oneself while driving :)) and realized it is just one step in the process.

I've never cheated on a tax return, don't plan on doing it in the future, will do my return honestly, and I guess I just have to see what happens.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

All I can say right now is GRRRR.

Got a call from my attorney's office, they got a letter from the Court Trustee. Not only does the Trustee want the jewelry appraisal (just waiting for that to come back, ring and watch has been dropped off), now they want a copy of my 2007 tax return (which is still just a future project) before they will approve the discharge. I think the Trustee wants to see what my tax refund will be. I can pretty much summize that it won't be much. I don't have the expenses this year that I had last year that I can write off, other than mortgage interest, some student loan, some medical, and some work related. It's going to be 1/3 of what I had last year in expenses. I won't even get all my tax documents until mid to late January and this pushes off the discharge until at least February.

Call me superstitious, but I wore that darned ring to work on Friday so I would remember to stop off at the jewelers and Friday is when my transmission blew and when the Trustees letter was dated. Each time I wear that ring something not good happens.

I'm telling ya, if I get to keep that ring, I'll never wear it again.

Oh well, not much I can do at this point until at least mid January 2008.

The Trustees Meeting

It was a very interesting experience. I arrived to the big bad city where my Trustee hearing was to be held about an hour early. Remember, I have turned into a country bumpkin, cities are not places I go to on a regular basis anymore, concerns about traffic, finding parking, etc made me leave home really early. I live in a town with just as many cows as people. I used to actually live in this city (about 19 years ago for about 13 months) so I was sort of familiar with it. I was nervous; I did not want to be late.

I got a cup of overpriced coffee (the local Dunkin Donuts was nasty looking) from a little coffee shop around the corner from the building I was to have my hearing in. I walked around, sat for a bit on a window ledge in the sun and tried not to imagine the worst. I tried not to break down and cry. I really felt alone.

My mind was racing, what questions would the Trustee ask? Would any of my creditors show up and dispute my petition? Would I lose my house and my retirement account? I had no idea and listening to the cases before mine, I was a bit panicked.

When you file for Bankruptcy, you are called a Petitioner. Several of the Petitioners had creditors show up looking for money, answers, anything. One couple were declaring bankruptcy because their business went under, yet the Trustee had a bunch of questions, what happened to funds when you refinanced your house, why do you have another business that has some income and expenses, why did your brother buy you out, who owns the new company,what exactly did the bank take, what do you really owe? Three creditors (including the bank in question) were there to find out where the money was. The bank attorney was annoyed; he even wanted the old phone system from the now defunct company. He was out for anything he could get. The Trustee had lots of questions, to me it looked like these people were trying to hide assets and I think the Trustee had the same doubts as well. That is a big No No in the Bankruptcy world.

One Petitioner had filed Bankruptcy 10 years ago and was filing again. The Trustee had a lot of questions for this Petitioner about retirement accounts, property owned, businesses and pretty much said to that person, see me in a month with these questions answered. Another Petitioner had her meeting in less than 2 minutes, literally, less than 2 minutes. The Trustee ran down his list of questions and she was out the door.

These meetings are held in a large room at a conference table. Pretty much whatever you say and discuss is open for anyone to hear and people are in and out of the hearing room during each session. It's really public, but then again, Bankruptcy becomes public knowledge and is part of the public record.

I was nervous about what was going to happen and it did not make me feel any better that when the Trustee took a break, he had a file of Petitions on his desk. Some very tall attorney looking person took a stroll up to the table while the Trustee while was out of the room, and took a look at the list read the list and nodded. Was this a creditor of mine, was this someone to contest my case? Actually no, it was none of the above, but my mind and my heart were racing at this point.

My attorney showed up at 10:15 for my 10:30 hearing. We talked briefly, my attorneys only comment was about my jewelry (no one mentioned it to me earlier) and my HSA. He said the Trustee might ask about them (which he did).

As I discussed in my previous post, the Trustee only had three real questions for me about my so called "Assets" . His only other question was about why I was filing for bankruptcy. I honestly told him being underemployed and unemployed for several years all added up. He also asked if I wanted to/intend to keep my house and I told him I really wanted to keep my house. More than anything, I wanted to keep my house. I kinda wonder if he was actually listening to me (despite the fact that the entire session was being tape recorded.)

Once I answered the questions, we were done. I spoke to my attorney after the hearing and said, What's Next? He said, take your on line course, get your jewelry appraisal and that's all she wrote. He was more concerned that he might have a parking ticket as he parked at an hour only parking meter (I splurged on the parking garage, cost me $8 total).

What happens now? I take my jewelry to be appraised this weekend, I take my on line course this weekend and I send documentation of both to my attorney and the court and I wait another 60 days.

I am officially declared Bankrupt until it is discharged and that projected date is December 16, 2007. I can't apply for any credit until my Bankruptcy is discharged, that's ok by me, all I want to do for the next few months is to put my life in financial order, get an emergency fund up and running, work on paying down my student loan, work on saving for a new car. If for any reason I win the lottery or get an inheritance or some other huge lump sum of cash within the 6 months from the date of my filing I am to immediately contact my attorney and the Trustees office. Since I don't have any relatives who are planning on leaving me oodles of money in their wills and the most I've ever won in the lottery was $75 on Powerball, I'm not worried. If I won the big jackpot, I'd be very happy to pay back all my creditors, very happy to pay them. I can them move on with my life with a clearer mind.

I get to keep my house as long as I pay my mortgage on time every month and keep insurance currant on it. I get to keep my house (and for the record, I paid my October mortgage on October 2nd).

For all intents and purposes, the only debts I currently have now are my mortgage ,my student load and my current bills. I don’t have a car note, I don't have credit cards, I made an effort prior to my filing to pay off as many other debts as possible (medical, loans, etc). I will need to find a way to get a new car next year, my current vehicle has 224,000 miles on it and is starting to show it's age. Despite being paid off, it will need to be replaced.

My plans are to open an ING account and use that as my car fund account. I just took on a contract position taking photos of properties for a mortgage company and it looks like I will be photographing two to five properties per week, it's not much, but its anywhere from $45 to $75 a week that I can earmark for my car fund. $180 to $300 per month all for taking photos of houses. I

I don't make that much money and the money I do make will have to be carefully earmarked. I am working on my new household budget. I am working on my list of needs and wants. I am going to take a small break and figure out how to find a second job that will actually pay me something, be close to home and let me take care of my animals.

The only unplanned for post filing splurge is I've booked myself in for a haircut and color in my favorite salon. It may be my last session there, and the streaks of grey have gotten on my nerves. At least I can start my new life with my old hair color back.

How this all Happened and What's Going to Happen Next

I took a few days break from blogging because I was short on time, my internet connection at home sucks, and I needed to get my head together. This will be a long one and will include some new blogs of note, and my plan for the next week.

As I posted earlier, I had my "signing session" at my attorney's office. Other than me not remembering that I needed to fork over extra money (filing fee, title search), it went rather well. I talked to the paralegal yesterday and she is filing the paperwork with the court. It seems these filings are all done electronically now. The next steps are to look in my mail for a court date and I'll have to trek down to Federal Court for the hearing. If all things go as they should, I'll be able to keep my house, maybe keep my Rollover 401K (now a Roth), and be able to get my life back on track. Or so says Ladies in the Red.

Somewhere in someones's blog comments, was a comment that Bankruptcy was the easy way out. I reiterate it is not the easy way out. It was a difficult and long thought out decision to file. Like so many people, it hit me hard. The Tough Broad describes how even without being thirty days late on a credit card payment, even being one day has a way to hike up your interest rates. That happened to me. Like Ladies in the Red, I too had a side business and a personal guarantee on it and it went ass over tip and so did my investment. And like Ladies in the Red, I lost my money. Unlike Ladies in the Red, I think I will be able to keep my house and my bank account (the UK system is different than the US system, but the stigmas are the same and it sounds like the courts there take all your assets, your money and the banks close your accounts OUCH.)

The funny thing is, I work in management and sales and a lot of my income was commissioned based. I balanced budgets, ran departments, managed a staff of 21 and made money for my company. Somewhere along the line, I totally lost control of my own finances. I kept thinking I could control what was happening to me, our sales would increase and so would my commissions and bonus, and I could pay down more debt. My side business really was not in danger of floundering as badly as my partner and I thought it would, I thought I could get an additional part time job to make ends meet (part time jobs that met my schedule were almost non existent, most part time jobs in my area are non existent). It still amazes me how successful I was at my job and I could not make it translate to my personal life. Where did I go wrong? God I lived in such a fantasy life!

I had stopped almost total use (emergencies only) of credit cards for a number of years and all I did was work on paying down the balances. I'd pay my minimum plus extra on each card. I transferred balances so I could pay down and get rid of cards. For a while, it was working, then the couple sort of late payments and the drastic rise in interest rates. A couple cards came down after a lot of time on the phone, a couple did not. My personal life also seemed to take a weird turn and it seemed like all my good luck in life came to a grinding halt. I felt like someone had cursed me (seriously-I went from really good to moderately bad to freaking miserable in a few short months) My minimum amount due increased and the progress I was making paying down balances came to a grinding halt. One credit card minimum due more than doubled, I first thought I had missed a payment, I had not, it was the increase in the interest rate and the increase in the minimum amount due. I had a minimal emergency fund that I dipped into when I should not have (unexpected dental visit, unexpected home improvement emergency). All of the above plus some other really stupid financial decisions ALL added up. Last summer I lost my job, I also had an unexpected $1000 medical emergency (my health insurance was a $5000 deductible plan and at the time no HSA) and my side business cost me the rest of my savings (I bailed out of the business a month later when it was apparent my partner and I were not going to be successful and I could not spend anymore money on it and they were not willing or able to live up to their part of the partnership work wise or money wise-can you say Betty the Doormat?) and I while I got a new job almost immediately, it did not start for three weeks. Between the medical emergency, the lag in unemployment (would have only been one week of salary), the side business draining my account, I just lost control and silly me, I stopped paying my bills to pay my mortgage, buy food, pay my electric bill. I just got soo depressed.

It all came to head months later. I got served with a summons, try as I might to negotiate a payment plan with one company, they did not want to set up a plan (I had set up a special repayment plan with Bank of America when they bought out my old CC, it was a reasonable and prudent plan and the those folks did not make me feel like I was evading my responsibilities, they worked with me to come up with a reasonable plan) and the Marshall came by my house with a summons. That is what finally drove me to my attorney's office and now here I am. 43, facing bankruptcy, facing a major life change, and wondering if I will be able to keep my house and if indeed I have hit bottom and can I bounce back. My house needs repairs, my car needs work, two of my dogs hate each other and are making me crazy (one is for sale or free to a good home, they are good with people and other dogs, just hate each other) my computer is on it's way out, my body feels like it is breaking down. When I get stressed I eat, I've eaten so much that I've gained two sizes (not good).

Finding Ladies in the Red was a breathe of fresh air yesterday. Here is a woman who had it all and lost it all. Her list of famous people who have declared and survived bankruptcy was a good read. Even though her experience with insolvency (I like that term so much better than bankrupt) was horrible, she has made lemonade out of lemons. Ms M&P wrote and said she had a friend who declared bankruptcy last year and is on her way back up.

Part of my process for this year is trying to use the Law of Attraction and Creative Visualization to put me in a better frame of mind and to help get back my focus. I put together a poster of various sayings, goals, and pictures of things I'd like to accomplish/have this year and two of the sayings where A Fresh Start and Starting Over. By using this process I have achieved two of my goals and am working on achieving the others.

I think that once I survive the court date, I will have a Fresh Start to Start Over with my life. Having these Personal Finance blogs to read has also been very helpful. I cheer when a Tough Broad reports she paid off a credit card and I can relate living like a college student. You do what you have to do to make it work. I love the post Saving Diva had on inexpensive cosmetics, I think it's great Krystal at Work as maxed out her RRSP this year (though I wonder how she manages to work as much as she does and play in all those hockey leagues, far too much energy for me!). Laughing at Gilded Butterflies writes wonderfully about sensibly using her credit card to manage her life and finances to help simply her life. Even though Jenn Lancaster is not a true PF blog, reading her books really make me laugh. I too have dumbed down my resume to get a job, any job, have spent a ton of time tanning (melanoma be dammed) and I admire her dedication to lose all that excess weight (it has inspired me to find a way to afford a gym membership again, I could stand to loose at least 30 if not 45 pounds myself) and can't wait to read the new book when it comes out. I'm totally envious of Karyn Bosnak for coming up with the novel idea to grub shamelessly on line for money and one of my favorite lines (Swipe, sign and it was mine). Each time I read a new blog, I find some great blog links, some PF, many not, most pretty darned good reads!.

My plan for the rest of the month is to lay low, keep working on the decluttering of the house and my life (I have not let my desk get out of control in three weeks). I've put some books on half.com, but no takers yet. Probably time for a price reduction or a change in inventory. Since I don't have any spare money to spend on anything (I had the shopping spree and the other attorney's fees), I will re-evaluate my budget progress for the past month, plan my October budget and work hard on visualizing a new and better life for me and my dogs. Keep blogging folks!

Needs and Wants

I decided to post a Needs and Wants Post. I've spent half the evening trying to get online and to do some work/research. My computer and internet service provider are at odds with each other-again. As I work through this bankruptcy, what I find a kicker is that I'm at the stage where I need things, not want things, need things. Things that require loans and financing. UGH

1) I need a new computer. My laptop is five years old and starting to be un-useful. Plus I'm on dial up so any on line work or research takes forever! I have a goal to try to earn enough extra money to buy a new computer. Amount in that fund is really small.

2) I need new slippers. Ok, not quite a computer, but I realized my current pair are totally shot. At least I can afford a new pair from Target, maybe 2 pair if I find them on sale. My floors are cold and I don't keep the heat on very high in the winter.

3) I will need a new car sometime this fall. My poor baby has over 200,000 miles on it and owes me nothing. I think the time is coming to let it rest. I'm starting to have repairs on it and each repair has been around $500 to $600 each. That could be two months of car payments. Not sure (yet) how I am going to afford a new or new to me vehicle at this point, are there really car dealerships that will extend credit to someone fresh out of Bankruptcy? I've not researched that yet, I've only seen the ads on tv and in the paper.

4) I want a new TV. My current TV is a small 12 inch color portable tv, but it's really small. I don't have cable, I borrow a lot of movies from the local library and it would be nice to see a movie on a larger screen. My computer monitor at work is bigger than my TV.


I can live without the new TV and will live without the new TV until I reach very specific financial goals. I'm going to have to figure out how to finance a new to me vehicle.


The upside to all of this I posted on Freecycle, a desire for a bread maker. Low and behold, someone in the neighboring town has one she got as a gift and is giving to me. I love fresh bread, but buying a loaf at the bakery is expensive and I end up with too much bread and not enough space in my freezer to store it. I've used a bread maker before and I know that it will give me the perfect sized loaf of bread, good enough for a couple days. I'm looking forward to coming home to fresh bread for dinner.

Ah yes, and now time to go to bed and get some sleep.