Wednesday, March 10, 2010

It's The Same Song Again

People who have been reading my blog know that my lovely neighbors are going through a very hard time with their kids and their money.  It's not getting any better.

Eldest Daughter works a seasonal job and took her winter vacation to out to California to see her boyfriend.  Eldest Daughter also spent all her "fun money" and most of the money she had put aside for her new apartment.  Eldest Daughter is now living back at home since the Youngest Daughter has moved to the other side of the state, still not employed, still not in school. Eldest daughter will be starting her seasonal job later this month and is looking at yet another college to go to, which would make #3 in 4 years.  Her parents keep taking out loans for Eldest Daughter who has still not decided what she wants to major in or do with her life. That's a lot of money spent on classes/credits that are not transferrable-this is when a student loan is a waste of money.

Youngest Daughter has moved to be with her boyfriend, and eventually will enroll is some sort of school.  The last conversation I had with my neighbor about Youngest Daughter was that she was trying to find some sort of a job, but could not meet certain job requirements (like a drug test). Youngest daughter barely fulfilled her court ordered community service before she moved to the other side of the state, does come home once or twice a week and yup, is living off her parents.

My neighbors are very nice people.  They are struggling, but seem to be unable to put spending boundaries on their kids. They are supporting both these girls who don't seem to really give a darn about the fact that their parents are paying mortgages late, have maxed out credit cards and payment plans with the electric company. 

I can understand that my neighbor wants to help her kids, but when is enough enough?  My neighbor is really struggling, complaining about life in general, yet is unable to stick to her resolution to make her kids learn how to support themselves or take some responsibility for their actions. 

I can be sympathetic to a point.  I am less sympathetic when I hear the same story over and over.  No is such a simple easy word NO.  No, I won't pay the deposit on your apartment, No I won't pay for your gas to come and see me and then have you spend all day at your friends house, no I won't buy all that organic food that you always say you want, then never eat.  No I won't take out another tuition loan until you are settled in school....

I just see a crash coming really soon

8 comments:

Danielle said...

UGH ,, this infuriates me, and it happens SOOO often. So many of my friends siphon money from their parents and don't consider their parents retirements or health insurance or mortgages,, its all about self..

but what is more infuriating to me is that the parents really cant say No. What are you teaching your children to wait for hand-outs? that is SO not the real world, and you won't be around forever. makes me NUTS!

Bouncing Back said...

Yup, you said it. My neighbor somehow feels like she "owes" this and more to her kids. She does not, espec. since they don't seem to be helping themselves.

Shevy said...

Uh, Danielle, you do realize they're counting on getting Ma's & Pa's money when they aren't around anymore, right?

It all comes down to this whole sense of entitlement and the parents aren't doing anything to counteract it. In fact, they're enabling. It's just taking different forms with the girls.

One child is likely to end up as a "professional student", going from school to school, major to major, never quite finishing.

The other one can't pass a drug test (!) and wants to be with her BF (who probably can't pass one either). I'm sorry, but my bottom line would be that until you can pass a drug test each and every month there will be ZERO money coming to you from me. Why? Because I'm not paying for my kid to do that, thanks. Or to shack up with a guy either, for that matter. As a parent you can't really prevent those kinds of behaviors but you certainly don't have to provide financial support.

A Reformed Manager of Money said...

You are probably right about a crash coming. Sooner or later, the financial stress of continually being responsible for others who are too lazy to take care of themselves will just get to be too much. That's usually when the people doing the paying refuse to do it anymore and everything falls on its butt.

The biggest mistake your neighbors made here was in not giving their kids responsibilities from an early age. Others may disagree with me but I think it's imperative to let one's offspring know that mom and dad are NOT their personal bank. This leads to the kids getting jobs early on (at least, it did in my household) while at the same time attending college for marketable degrees. I am all for fostering independence.

Jonesie said...

Eventually, they are going to run out of options and the only thing they'll be able to do is pick food/shelter for themselves or fun money for their kids. Money is a finite resource and eventually their access to it will come to an end. Unfortunately the only thing you can do is watch it happen.

Revanche said...

BB, my parents are the exact same way -- they literally cannot cut off the sibling at all. If it weren't for me holding the line, he would have moved right back into the house, raising a ruckus and generally running up every bill. I had some hard words with my dad this weekend, telling him that he can have his cake [can't turn out a kid] and eat it too [but leaves the parenting work to me] so long as he can live with the fact that he knows and I know that he's sacrificing me for my brother. And no, I won't keep doing it forever, it's only until I get my dog out and I can get them into some senior housing where he can't follow and mooch. Of course, I know and Dad knows that they won't ditch him if he's not "ready." Pf. He'll NEVER be ready.

*sorry* for the rant. I'm coming off a bit of a tiff with them.

The Personal Finance Blog said...

I think this started about 20-something years ago. Parents now feel OBLIGATED to give their children everything, from the day they're born until, well, forever! There's no teaching them about money, no giving them sound financial principles, no making sure they turn into independent adults, none of that. You're so right that a crash is coming, but it's going to me on a wider scale than you probably think...

QUALITY STOCKS UNDER 5 DOLLARS said...

Sometimes thats the truth. We all get tiried of the same old stuff over and over again.