Sunday, December 6, 2009

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

Before I start this post, I have to remind myself and everyone, that since I filed for my bankruptcy, I have been able to bounce back in certain areas. I got a new to me car, I got a credit card, I live a mainly cash only existence, I'm feeling a bit more in control of my finances...

YET

The big YET

One of my problems that led me to the bankruptcy was this string of bad luck, things so out of my control that kept knocking me down personally, professionally and most importantly, fiscally. Things are not quite that bad this time around, but I do feel like it's two steps forward and three steps back and that I'm stuck in a mud pile, bog, or what ever. It's an incredibly frustrating feeling.

I try to be positive, I try to ask the universe for help, I pray to my gods, I make action plans, I set measurable goals, I say my daily affirmations, I network, I do vision boards, I think I'm doing everything I need to do, yet I have a huge issue getting plans to come to fruition in a timely basis~ something happens that sets me back, time and time again.

One of my readers awhile ago said I should just ask the universe. I've tried, I am probably not asking the correct way. Call me paranoid or crazy, but at one point before the BK I really felt like someone had put a hex on me. I can almost to the day tell you when things went belly up for me and the daily grind became a daily struggle, it was the 2nd week in February 2004. You may think I'm crazy, but it was from that point forward that I got stuck in the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back mode.

I have never shied away from hard work. I am not asking for things to be dropped into my lap, but it would be nice to have a string of good luck or easy successes to bolster my confidence or to balance out the struggles. It is discouraging to repeatedly feel that I am stuck in a place and can not move forward.

I wish I had an answer for the above. I wish I could give you all the magic plan to get out of this cycle. It's draining on the mind as well as the body and finances to feel this way. So what am I going to do, not 100% sure. I keep reworking my goal list so that I do get a sense of accomplishment, but I still have this major goals and projects that need to be done or worked on and getting some sense of satisfaction with those is the on going issue.

In the quest to get my new to me car, I did a vision board of the type of car I wanted (a small SUV) with the extras I wanted,even down to the GPS and cargo rack. I also did my homework, checking out dealerships, price checking, getting my finances in order for a very post BK venture into the world of a consumer loan. It took a couple months, but I did get the vehicle I wanted with the extras I wanted and now almost two years later, I still love it!

Yet I am having a problem transferring that success to other parts of my life. I'm not talking expensive jewels or designer clothes or first class trips around the world. I'm talking about getting a reputable contractor to tackle that never ending home repair list of things I can't do, I'm talking about job goals, personal goals. Things that I should be able to achieve, yet getting these goals and accomplishments seems to move ever so slowly forward. So very slowly......

I'm open to any and all suggestions and yes, I'm even looking for a way to break that hex. :)

15 comments:

Ugly Debty said...

I dont think you're crazy. Maybe you should see if someone can help lift the hex? Can you think of anyone who would put one on you? I believe in fate and the universe giving back, so why so difficult to think someone would hex you. Maybe you need to find that person and apologise - maybe to lift it, you need to acknowledge a wrongdoing and correct it?

Anonymous said...

Have you tried Angie's List to find a contractor? It's a pay site and I've never used it, but I've heard good things.

Finding my way to Debt Free! said...

I've been following the Secret for a while now. so far it has helped me frame my life goals in a more positive manner, and it's beginning to show in my progress.

I used it when I first started my blog to help me find the man i wanted to spend my life with. I'm happy to say, though it took the better part of a year and a half to get there, I have been living with him for 3 years now and we are beyond happy together!

I think perhaps you are framing your questions too open-endedly. Try beginning with a goal in mind and a broad step to get to the fruits of that goal. Then as you start to see things happen related to that goal, begin getting more specific with what you really want. The trick is, that if you want the goal by a specific date you need to be that specific and live your life with that date in your head. When obstacles present - which are the universes way of testing you to see if that's what you really want, or if you'll bend on your resolve - you need to be steadfast in refusing to accept the thing that is stopping you, push through, over, around, under that obstacle and keep on going.

You have to know you'll get there though. Despair, down thoughts, anxiety, a sense of fuzziness are all negative things. For every time you ask Why can't I just have this this way, you doubt, you are having a negative thought and you need to send 5 specific good thoughts for each one of these.

It does work. Try small things though and work your way up. Finances are huge - they have the most obstacles that present themselves and are the most intertwined aspect of our lives.

The one thing I think you need to hear right now is that you are doing GREAT! You are on the track to meet your goals and get where you want to be. Patience is a test of your heart and will. It's put there because you have to trust that each day you wake up and walk your life you are taking the steps down the path you want to be on.

For a long while, and I still do this, when I feel like you resonate in your post, I find that one song, or series of songs that gives me strength, makes me smile, and allows me to send out positive happy vibes while I listen to it(them). I sing at the top of my lungs after I repeated that I am strong, I will overcome this challenge and I WILL meet my GOAL ON TIME by [fill in date here]. Then just turn up the music and drown out your negative thoughts.

it's funny but Christina Aguilera's Fighter is a fantastic song for this!

The point is that when you start having the feelings you are going through that there is a hex on you, that things don't happen when you want them, that they take too long, you are having doubt. You are doubting that what you are doing will work. You are doubting that there is anything out there that will help you. You are doubting yourself in your resolve and perserverance and patience to allow the universe to work, God to deliver, you to get it done.

You are a strong, independent, brilliant woman who has been to fiscal rock bottom and bounced back wonderfully this far. You WILL get to your next goal. You WILL be a positive person and enjoy the ride while getting there and it WILL happen!

If you want help reframing your questions and goals feel free to send me an email or drop me a message!

Revanche said...

Honestly, with all the illness and deaths affecting my family and then my friends, and their families, I felt very much the same way for the past 3 years.

The only things I could suggest would be to continue moving forward as you have been doing. Keep taking steps toward your goals, keep on trying for what you really want. Know that every small step, even countered by the steps backward, still count because they negate the steps backward.

*hugs*

Rooting for you!

Bouncing Back said...

Ugly Debty-hum, I'm sure I've irriatated a person or two in my life, heck I know I have, it's part in parcel with my job, I have to play the bad cop lots of times for the better of the company.

Anonymous-Angie's list is on my list. Part of my problem is I live in an area where good contractors are hard to find period. I do have someone I use, but he is booked months in advance. I'll keep looking!

Finding my way-good suggestion on being more specific. I was very specific with the auto purchase,maybe I need to be even more specific about other aspects in my life. Thanks for the comment and feedback I appreciate it.

Revanche-thanks for the support! We all need to be here for each other!

Jackie said...

I think everyone has trouble finding a reputable contractor, so you're not alone on that one. Especially for smaller jobs...

I wonder if you aren't thinking that things should be going faster than they are, when really the pace might be normal. Most things worth doing take time.

Or could you maybe be working on too many goals at one time? That's usually my trouble. I've found that picking just a single one (the one that looks the easiest) and just working on only that one until it's done helps.

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Shevy said...

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Grace. said...

Personally, I'm not into hexes, the Secret, or thinking that the Universe gives a darn about what I'm doing or not doing. Things are what they are, happen when they happen, and our place is to deal with it. Still I know how you feel. I've journaled since I was in 4th grade, and each year I set financial goals. It's embarrassing to see how they've remained the same year after decade. But the trend is upward--just too dang slow and with setbacks every time I turn around. I often feel like I'm slogging uphill through knee-deep mud, but nonetheless, there IS forward progress. THAT is the true nature of the universe. Hang in there--you're on the right track.

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