The New Steps for July For Me and For Others

Step one, use some sort of money tracking software.

Here is the insane part. I did a very sketchy budget spending plan based on my income and you know what, I'm supposed to have an additional $200 left over each month AFTER I pay my monthly bills, put money into my E-fund, and I have given myself liberal amounts of money to cover things like food and hobby. AND this is on my reduced income. WHY don't and did I not I save more? Because as I've pointed out before, I'm not an aggressive saver at all. I'm barely a passive saver. I could have fully funded my E-fund on the money I spent on wants this past spring, but I've decided to stop beating myself up over this and move on.

I can hear you all saying, but Betty aren't PF blogger supposed to use things like Quicken,Mint, or some fabulous spreadsheet. The truth of the matter is there is a segment of us that don't. I fall into that segment.

Part of me just did not or could not face up to my spending. I had all my bills paid, had my needs taken care of, and was able to get some wants. It was the excessive wants that did me in this past May.

The Mess of May did disturb me. I took out my frustrations in my life by spending money and even by keeping all my receipts and looking at them, I still really did not have a true sense of where I spent my money. Actually, I did not want to admit to myself where and what I spent my money on. I was keeping my head in the sand, so to speak.

I need to take the next few giant steps in my bouncing back from bankruptcy stage. The next steps will make or break my progress.

I need to become more aggressive about saving money. It could be paying myself first, it could be curbing my spending and then taking the extra money and putting it into my Credit Union account.

I need to be better about a budget spending plan and sticking to it.

I need to stop rationalizing my choices and not just talking the talk, but walking the walk.

Maybe, just maybe, this will be one way to stop feeling so stuck and to continue to bounce back.

I Am So Much More Than A Donation To A Cause

As I posted before, part of my recovery from the Bankruptcy was and still is, my relationship with various people in my life. These past few months I did a costly experiment in human relations, costly in cash, but eye opening for me. I should also preface this by saying I know that friendships can be situation or geographic region specific and that they can run their course. Not everyone can be your Best Friend Forever (BFF) or even a Very Very Good Friend (VVGF) and some people gravitate to good aquaintences.
I am the person who belonged to a number of organizations, some social, some hobby, some charitable. To a certain extent part of my self esteem and self worth was tied up in my positions in these various organizations-Board Member, Club Officer, willing event Chairperson, etc. For a while, way too much of my self esteem was tied up in the positions I held in these organizations and not the person I was/am. I was the person you could call on to help rally the troops, give up an evening to make phone calls, etc. I enjoyed being the Go To volunteer. It made me feel good because I was good at my volunteer jobs and I had my fair share of things to do and people to see.

When funds got tight, I slowly stopped attending events, the charity lunches, the silent auctions, the drinks parties, I scaled back on my fiscal donations as well. I had a lot on my plate, I had other personal events going on in my life, I just could not “be there” for all these organizations, I was barely there for myself. I backed out of events, did not volunteer as often while I was in fiscal hell.

I noticed that after awhile, my e-mail inbox got a lot less crowded, my answering machine did not have as many messages, the invitations to events, both related to the organizations and with my “friends” also dried up. Pretty much, if I was not willing and able to donate money, place bids at the silent auction or give up my spare time to organize the spring fund raiser, many of the people I volunteered with and many I considered friends where just not there for me. And to be quite honest, I was not “there” as well. I’m sure some people considered my decreased involvement to mean that I was no longer interested in either the cause, organization and the people.

What really bothered me was that there were some people I really considered real friends, not just a friend from the Junior League or the Rotary Club, or the Garden Club,but a true friend, a VVGF and one a BFF. When they stopped contacting me, I took a lot of it personally for a long time. When things started to get a bit better last summer and fall, I slowly upped my participation in these organizations. Low and behold, slowly the invitations, phone calls, and e-mails started to increase as well.

As an experiment, I “upped” my participation in these events, went to the holiday silent auction, bought two seats at the February charity dinner, made a few phone calls to organize drinks out and shopping, volunteered my very limited time to organize an event, you know, all those things that cost money. I did this for about three months and even now, I still shake my head in amazement that I could be that dense about people. After my vacation, I started to scale back, saying I could not make a few events and would not be able to buy a ticket to support the cause if I could not attend and guess what, some of these supposed friends reverted to their old MO, decreased phone calls, e-mails, etc. I guess I was only enough of a friend if I was in the “organizational loop” and contributing to the cause.

One such person that has really disappointed me was someone I’ve known for about 20 years, I consider her a very close and good friend, a BFF if I needed to label her. We both belong to the same professional organization, we have been guests in each others home so often that I have a room at her house that is “my room”. We’ve traveled together, hung out together, gossiped together, shopped together, my ex and her husband got along really well, etc. I can not tell you the number of times I’d leave a phone message or send a e-mail just to say hi, what’s up, hope all is well, and get no freaking response in the past 18 months. None for days or weeks, not even, I’m sooo busy talk to you later. I pretty much would get a phone call or e-mail when information was wanted. Then I’d hear she had been in communication with another mutual friend. Like two or three times a week, via phone and e-mail. Needless to say, my feelings were hurt, the snub was pretty obvious. Since I was no longer an active participant in a mutual organization we belonged to, I guess I was deemed not worthy of communication. I did say to someone recently, this past year really opened my eyes about the various people I thought were my friends and my relationships with them and how those relationships would be moving forward.

Call me thick, call me slow, call me many things, but don’t call me your friend when the only reason I am your friend is when I can organize the spring charity fund raiser and gossip a bit about someone. BUT and there is always a BUT. This experiment also showed me that I do have friends and acquaintances that don’t see me as a donation to a charity. I do know that sometimes friendships run their course and can be “situation specific”, but I can only say again, I was really disappointed with the actions of a few friends that I thought were real and true friends. It also made me stop and think how I’ve treated a few people as well and I’m big enough to admit, I have some apologizing to do to a few people as well and some fences to mend on my end.

There are some folks I know from these organizations who were genuinely pleased to see me, I ran into one person at my local coffee house when I stopped in for my weekly latte. This person said she missed seeing me at the clubs monthly meetings, hoped I was well, and bought me my morning latte. She even went as far to say that she was starting to come to the coffee house a couple mornings a week to just enjoy her coffee without the husband and kids and maybe we could both meet every once in a while to just watch the news and catch up. I said yes and we meet up about once every two weeks to talk about everything and nothing. Sometimes we just stare at GMA.

I am also grateful for some of my other friends who have been there for me without evening knowing it. My friend Dee who I will see this weekend. She has fed me fabulous food with great wines and has lent me her ear on numerous occasions. She knows I don’t cook as well as she does (she is truly a gourmet cook), nor do I have the budget to buy the pricey wines she does, but we enjoy catching up on life over her good food and drink. I do try to bring good appetizers; I can buy good cheese, crackers and pate. My friend Frank I've known since college, who will call me up and say there is a really tacky B grade movie on TV, come on over and the Mrs. (his wife who hates B-grade movies) has volunteered to make us nachos and chicken wings. Gotta love his Mrs, she makes the most awesome real Buffalo Style Chicken wings complete with blue cheese dressing and celery sticks and is delighted that there is someone over the age of 17 who will watch Flash Gordon with her husband and kids and she can happily watch Desperate Housewives. My friend Jill who will meet me and one of the dogs for a walk in the woods. Jill is probably happier walking in the Mall, but she knows I’m not a shopper, so we meet for dog walks when the weather is nice. My neighbor who will come over and say come on over for a beer or a glass of wine! My friends Peter and Dave who always invite me to their fabulous cocktail parties and always make me feel comfortable and welcome in their home, always.

These are just a few examples. I also know that communication is a two way street and I know with me “dropping out” I probably alienated a few people. As I said above, what really bothered me was the response from people I considered old and true friends that I thought I kept the lines of communication open with. And the response from the newer friends I thought I “clicked” with. Just goes to show what a great judge of character I was and can be. What I did realize is that yes, some of my so called friends just did consider me a donation to a cause and when I ceased to donate to the cause, I ceased to be a friend.

What has this got to do with Personal Finance and Bankruptcy? It’s about not letting your membership to the Tennis Club, Golf Club, Country Club or whatever club define who you are. It's about the fact you as a person are so much more than your credit card that you bring on the shopping expidition, or the number of items you bid on at the auction, or the number of raffle tickets you buy, or cookies you bake for the bake sale, or committees you sign up for. It's many things. One of the greatest lessons I've learned through this is I am so much more than a donation to a cause. It just took me a while to realize it.

How to Bounce Back from Bankrupt Street-Facing Your Own Shortcomings

As part of my ongoing series of how I’m bouncing back from bankruptcy, this post partially tags onto my Monday post of my expensive, but very worthwhile, experiment with friends and money.

Once you get your discharge spend a few days, weeks, what ever time it takes, and look back at your experience with money and credit and think about what went wrong to lead you to this place.

Part of recovery from Bankruptcy (or serious debt) is sitting down with yourself and or your spouse/partner and looking at to what really got you to where you are now. I’d love to blame it all on the evil credit card companies and say Boo Hoo, pity me, but that’s not realistic.

Hey folks, I’m an adult, I got credit cards, I used credit cards, as I have posted before, I have to take some responsibility here. I blame the credit card companies for running rampant with the lovely Universal Default clause they oh so nicely tucked into their ever changing terms and conditions and cranking my interest rates through the roof. I blame myself for not fully understanding what the Universal Default clause was/is. I blame my self for making some bad decisions that contributed to my fiscal hell. I blame myself for staying underemployed for far too long without a back up plan or second job.

Part of my bouncing back was to take some blame for my financial situation and to understand how it contributed to my bankruptcy. The Universal Default clause was something I never truly comprehended until it started making my credit card payments shoot through the roof and made it darned near impossible to make any headway in repayments. The other part of my Bankruptcy was just this insane string of bad luck and bad fiscal decisions spun out of my control that followed on the heels of the ever increasing credit card interest rates making my life hell.

Here are a few key items that I discovered about myself:

1) I am not an aggressive saver. After I left a job with a 401K, I stopped contributing to a retirement plan because I was lazy and not disciplined enough to do it on my own. Thus my savings and 401K are almost non existent. When I needed savings, I did not have any savings to draw from.

2) If there is cash in my wallet or account, I somehow manage to spend it and yes I COMPLETELY admit I can justify almost any expense well enough to even fool Suze Orman (almost).

3) I tied up far too much of my own personal identity in my ability to have credit and my ability to spend money with friends on shopping, life experiences, etc. I allowed myself to have too many personal obligations and never sucked up the courage to detach myself from those personal obligations until this past winter. This means learning to say No and No is something I struggle with my personal obligations. That cost me money, time and energy. Mainly money.

4) The only one who can change the above and really help me bounce back is me and me alone. It has astounded me who has unknowingly supported me through this situation. And I am eternally grateful to those people for their support, love and friendship which has and is enabling me to bounce back. They don't know who they are, but they are various people in my life who took this glitch in my life in stride and dealt with the crazed me almost without question.

5) I have to go back to trusting my gut instincts.

Numbers 3, 4 and 5 I will address in another post.


Some of you may be saying Hey, it took you this long to realize these things-OK, at times I am a slow learner I will admin that. Plus having to deal with a Bankruptcy can really devastate ones personal esteem. Mine was at an all time low for a long time for a variety of reasons, the BK was just the icing on the cake. I should bitten the bullet and gone to therapy, but did not.

Part of my struggle with the BK is coming to terms with my own short comings and how to overcome them. I’m not an aggressive saver, so I’ve set up a direct deposit to my E-Fund so at least some money each month goes right to it. I got an account at the credit union that does not have a debit card/ATM access making using the money difficult. I have to drive 20 minutes to the CU to take out money. Non cash deposits I can mail in if I have to. I just don’t carry a lot of cash in my wallet, I don’t. If it is there, I spend it. I try to keep no more than $25 at any given time and I don’t go tripping to the ATM unless I have to. I’m working on the spending justifications in all areas, food, hobby, needs and wants and what really constitutes an emergency and the need to dip into the Efund.

Personal obligations are a little harder. What is a personal obligation? If you read JW’s old blog Need to Be Debt Free, his personal obligation was tithing to his church. Grace at Graceful Retirement funds her granddaughters college expenses. My personal obligations are related to some people very near and dear to me and for some causes I chose to support, a cross between Grace and JW. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but what I can tell you is while I don’t begrudge the personal obligation to my budget, I kick myself for not setting firmer guidelines and boundaries about one of the personal obligations when my money problems, ah, got serious. When push came to shove, I was not willing to “lose face” and forked over cash that should have stayed in my bank account. I have slowly reworked this personal obligation so that I as able to bow out of most of it without losing face and still keeping a decent relationship with the others involved. OK, I chickened out of just saying no and let it drag on about a year longer than I should have because I did not have the balls to say No I can’t do this right now. Remember that low self esteem? I am sooo spineless at times….
We all have our own demons we need to face. Bankruptcy is supposed to give people a fresh start/clean slate. In my opinion, in order to make that happen, you have to acknowledge what contributed to your own personal BK, both what was in your control and what was not so you can then proceed with a clean slate. You then have to see what you can do to not let history repeat itself. In my case, I’m working on a savings plan, I’m working a second job to make up lost income, I’m reworking my spending plan and my priorities in life, I’m being more proactive about worthwhile projects, and I’m shedding the toxic people in my life.

If you did not have an EFund, establish one, if you had a problem with credit cards, learn how to live on a cash budget and not on Master Card. Learn how to have a staycation at home instead of trips Disney World, New York City or Las Vegas, downsize your car and your home, learn to live on cash, eat more meals at home. If a job loss contributed to the BK, hopefully you are re-employed and earning a salary. If it was illness driven, I hope you are getting healthier or doing what you need to do to get healthier. I make sure I pay my bills a week early, I check the fine print, you know, the things many folks already do or take for granted.


The light may come on before you get your discharge, it may come later. For me it came a few months after the discharge as I was sorting out my relationships with people, money and my relationship with myself. My pride was wounded and I was slowly working on the healing. Getting a car loan for the new to me car was a big self esteem booster. It proved I was not a total fiscal failure, just in a fiscal mess and at least I was sorting it out.

In my opinion, once you have "made peace" with what lead you to Bankruptcy, you can move forward. As I said, you can't blame it all on your credit card company, you have to take some responsibility and then move on from there.

My next post- I am so much more than a donation to a cause.

You Got The Discharge-Now What?

This is the next installment of my long overdue series on Bouncing Back From Bankruptcy.  As always, please consult with your own financial experts and resources when it comes to dealing with and managing your money! The following is my personal experience. 

I am now 15 months post Chapter 7 Bankruptcy Discharge and on my way to Bouncing Back From Bankruptcy.  I had my 341 Trustee/Creditors meeting in October 2007 and got my discharge just over 3 months later.  Hopefully, your 341 Trustee/Creditors meeting goes along uneventfully.  What happens after that? Hopefully you get your discharge.  My discharge papers came in the mail one day, just a one page form from the Bankruptcy court that gave my name, my case number and said I was discharged.  I almost missed the envelope in and amongst the junk mail. 

Actually, I started getting offers of new credit even before my discharge letter arrived in the mail.  For me, actually getting the discharge letter was a bit anti-climatic.  I had been struggling with the whole filing-delays on my part, delays on getting a CMA of the house, delays dealing with my attorney, delays dealing with information the trustee wanted.  I was probably the exception and not the norm in filing for a bankruptcy. Maybe it is the norm?  You guys tell me. 

Anyway, the best bit of advice I can give you as soon as you receive your discharge papers are to do the following:

1) File away for BK petition in a safe place.  There is no reason on God's green earth that anyone needs to see that pile of papers again.  Keep it for safe keeping, but file it away. If you need a copy, your attorney will probably charge you something like 75c to $1 per page to get you a copy. 

2) Take that discharge letter and make about 5 copies, file the original one away.  Why make copies? You may need the official court letter at some point for something. Might need it, might not.

3) Get a copy of your credit report 4-6 weeks after you get your discharge letter and make sure that the BK filing is noted.  As I always say, I may have negative information on my report, but at least I want that negative information to be correct. AND you want to make sure that all your debts included in the C7 or C13 are correctly noted. 

4) Get a folder for all those credit offers that come in, put those offers in the folder and DO NOTHING with them. Remember patience is a virtue!

5) Thank the spiritual entity of your choice for getting your discharge and allowing you to move on and bounce back.  

6) Find some time to reflect on your BK filing and make a plan for your own bouncing back and moving forward. 

When you file for Bankruptcy, more than likely your credit score has taken a big hit from the late payments, accounts in collections, loans in default, you know, the nasty things.  In America, one way to improve your credit score is to establish credit and be on time with your bills.   This puts most post BK folks at a bit of a disadvantage.  We are bankrupt and can't get credit, but we need credit to improve the FICO score to be able to get credit.   So why am I telling you to put those credit offers in a folder?

Simply, most of them are going to try and offer you credit at an outrageous interest rate.  I can remember getting letters from finance managers at several car dealerships, some of the dealerships were well known in my area and some were from those sort of seedy looking corner lot used car lots, You know the type, the cars look flashy, lots of flags and signs that say "We Finance Anyone" and probably crap cars.  The one company that persistently sent me an application for a credit card also had (to me and others) insane fees and charges.  For the privilege of getting a $500 credit card, this particular bank was going to charge about $229 in assorted fees just to "activate" the card that was at a 19.9% rate as well as charge of $7.50 per month fee to have the card.   

I had two goals last year. One was to get a credit card again and one was to get a car loan.  I ended up with the car loan first, only because my old car really needed to go.  It has over 232,000 miles on it and needed a lot of work, again for the third or fourth time.  I pulled from my file, those letters from the finance managers of those car dealerships.  I had about 10 different "offers of credit".  I did my homework on both  of the type of vehicle I wanted and the dealerships themselves.  

Some of the finance offers were eye opening to say the least.  23% interest rates, loans available only on select makes and models, offers only good up to a set price.  Needless to say, these types offers seemed shady.  I did get a letter from the finance manager of a local dealership that had a good reputation. I called the finance manager and set up an appointment.  Doing my homework paid off.  This particular dealership had a vehicle I wanted with all I wanted (plus a couple extras), I went into the meeting with the finance manager well prepared. I had my budget, I had done my homework on the two vehicles I was willing to look at on their lot and I had some cash to put down on the car.

What worked in my favor was that I was organized when I came in to meet with the finance manager.  I also had on my credit history, a paid off car loan with a major bank. I did not have a repossession on my account.  I drove out of the dealership a few days later with my new to me car and have faithfully paid that loan three days early every month.  I am now going to pray to my spiritual entity of choice and hope that I can refinance the Escape at my credit union. I'm hoping I can make it into the single digits. 

Getting a credit card took a little longer.  For starters, I was not going to "accept" that invitation I mentioned above. I knew out there, there had to be a better offer for me.  There are two choices when it comes to credit cards after Bankruptcy.  The secured credit card and the unsecured credit card.

A secured credit card is not a pre-paid credit/gift card. It is a credit card issued by a bank.  This type of card requires that you put a specific sum of money into an account at that cards bank.  This is your collateral so to speak.  You then get a credit card with a balance that equals the savings account.  You can click here to read on Bankrate.com about secured credit cards. Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Citibank all offer secured credit cards.  I also encourage you to check with your local bank and credit union, they may also offer a secured card. Many times after about a  year or so of good credit card management, the secured card may be re-issued as an unsecured card.  Each banks policies are different.  

I waited 10 months before I took the plunge and applied for a credit card. I applied for and got a credit card with a $500 limit, 14.99 % interest rate and a yearly fee of $39.  Folks I was thrilled with the whole deal!  I also made sure that the card I was applying for reported to all three credit agencies.  I want my positive re-payment status to be reflected, remember this is the new and improved Betty here.  

There are several banks that issue credit cards to folks with less than perfect credit. One of those banks is the one many PF bloggers love to hate, you know, the What's in Your Wallet Bank.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you had a credit card with that bank or one of the others, it may be more difficult for you to get an unsecured card with that bank even at a lower limit.  I honestly don't know, but my gut tells me that if that bank was part of your BK filing they would probably be less likely to grant you an unsecured card.  No matter which type of card you get, make sure that they report to the major credit bureaus. It will do you no good to have a card that does not report.  You want the positives to start hitting your credit report. And ALWAYS READ THE FINE PRINT AND THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS. 

The purpose of getting credit is not to run it up again and to carry.  It's to help you establish a better credit score.  I am perfectly happy with my $500 limit credit card. I use it for things like gas, pet food, and the other odd personal purchase. I also log on to my account every two weeks and either pay in full or pay a chunk down on the card.  The highest balance I've had in the past 5 months is now, I have about $200 that will be paid next week which reflects the last of my vacation spending and some car maintenance.  I get paid from my weekend job next week and will pay the balance in full. 

More so than anything else last year, getting that $500 limit unsecured credit card was such an ego booster. It showed me that I was truly bouncing back.  

I think it's also important post discharge to really look at what got you into the BK in the first place.  We all have our stories for filing for Bankruptcy.  As I've posted before, I had a string of really bad fiscal luck, I could not get out of my own way and I fully admit I also made some less than stellar money decisions which just added fuel to the fiscal fire.  My next post in this Bankruptcy Series will be on the importance of "soul searching" and "coming to grips" with the BK filing now that you have filed the bankruptcy and are discharged.  

Have a lovely weekend y'all.

The Fastest Way To Get Someplace is The Way You Know How To Go

Interesting statement isn't it?  For my trip in the UK I bought and downloaded a map of the UK for my GPS (or Sat Nav).  I was doing some traveling with friends who don't drive much and are, by their own admission, directionally challenged.  I decided since I was doing most of the driving, I would invest in a UK map. It was worth the money spent.  We sat at the local pub at lunch before we departed, inputting the directions to the GPS, then reading the map summary and comparing it to our notes. The Sat Nav took us one way, the hand written directions from someone's husband took us another, both took us to the same place.  Someone at the pub looked over at our Sat Nav and said The fastest way to get someplace is the way you know how.    

Sheer genius. Really sheer genius folks.  Think about it.  In the personal finance world, we have the Dave Ramsey way of debt reduction, we have the gospel according to Suze Orman, we have the John Cummata way to wealth, we have a multitude of ways that all proclaim follow my advice and you too shall be debt free.  

 There are people who swear by  the Dave Ramsey system, there are people who swear AT  the Dave Ramsey system.  Personal finance is just that, personal.  What works for Dave Ramsey may not work for  you.  I've been reading a number of blogs where people are confused about the "best" way to purse debt reduction.  Snowflake or not to Snowflake? That is the question! Never using a credit card or limited use of a credit card? Cash only for everything, or loan shopping? I  don't think any system is the "best" system unless you are comfortable with it.  Suze and Dave may not be the best way for you to get out of your debt if you not comfortable with their systems or approaches. You may even have to make up  your own system! If you are comfortable with a system or an approach, I guarentee you will make substantial progress towards your financial goals.  If you are not comfortable with an approach or system, you will hit roadblocks as you work towards your financial goals. 

I do think people need to establish an emergency fund and work up towards the magical 3-6 months worth of living expenses as a cushion.  I do think people need to cut back on the use of credit, make some radical changes in their spending habits if they have substantial debt and want to pay it down or off. I do think that people need to spend their money wisely.  I also think that all work and no play does make Jack or Jill a dull child.  I think that people need to find something to do that gives them joy, even if it costs a little cash- a hobby, or pay for that gym membership, have that latte twice a week on your way to work,  or go to that weekly movie with your best buddy.  If it gives you joy, it can make the whole process more palatable. 

As I read a number of PF blogs, I see a pattern.  There are those bloggers who complain about the lack of debt reduction progress, but continue to do things like clothes shopping, entertaining, travel, and go out with friends. In one sentence they complain about their VISA balance, in the next sentence they state that "They must go out with friends" (and I'm not talking about a Personal Obligation here) . I read about PF bloggers following a "system" and getting burnt out and frustrated by a system because it does not seem to "fit" that person or their family, debt reduction yes, happiness in one life-no.   There are also those bloggers who do "have a life" but don't make apologies or complain that trying to have a balanced life has prolonged or increased their debt reduction progress.  The latter are the PF bloggers who have found that happy medium between spending, saving and debt reduction, in other words, their quality of life is pretty good!   It may take them a bit longer to get to that debt free place, but they are working towards a balanced life. 

Part of my journey from bankruptcy is finding that space that allows me to have a life and achieve my personal and financial goals. I did a lot of research this past year to see if there was a wonderful way to "bounce back from bankruptcy" and achieve my goals. I would be happy to share it with all of you, I really would.  What I have found out is that there is no wonderful pre packaged way to bounce back.  I'm finding ways to bounce back, but what works for me may not work for you.  I can only share what I do to help me achieve my goals. I also believe that if you are in debt reduction you have to find what works best for you out of the various "systems' and plans available and that into your life. You have to decide what place you want to get to. 

The fastest way to get to that place is the way you know how to go.

Good luck on your journey. 

Tell All Tuesday-Bankrupt Street~The Next Installment

This has been one of the hardest installments to write.  Moving forward and moving on from Bankruptcy requires a few things. Going bankrupt is not a decision taken lightly, you live with the consequences for 7-10 years. It's part of your "permanent record". 

Part of my journey through bankrutpcy is really facing the situations that lead me into fiscal hell.  Some were in my control, some where not.  I have to take ownership of the situations that were in my control.  I've written and re-written this post a number of times, not liking any version. But here it goes.

I had a lot of mixed messages about money as a child.  The mixed message theme continued into my 20's. Not being exceptional adept at math, I was always told that it really did not matter as things like money, budgets, etc would probably be handled by my future husband. (I'm not joking, this was a common mantra in my family to the female members, money was handled by fathers, husbands, uncles, brothers and nephews).  I pretty much bought into this philosphy mainly because I did not know any better! 

It was easy when I settled into a "permanent relationship" to allow my live in boyfriend to handle our joint finances.  Remember, I was not "good" at math, numbers and figures. Plus he wanted to be the finance manager in our relationship and it was easier to let him do that (remember I can be such a doormat at times, this was one of those times).  Despite getting a job that helped me to develop good budgeting and fiscal skills, I never made the transition in my personal life to take those skills to apply them to myself and my situation. I "kept the peace" in my relationship and allowed the boyfriend to be the money manager.  I should have had the backbone by the time I was in my 20's to take better control of my own fiscal life, I did not.

After moving back to the Northeast, I made some bad fiscal decisions even with good advice and research, many of my decisions just ended up costing me thousands, literally thousands of dollars. 

I became underemployed, I did not adequately plan for home repairs and maintenance, I got and used multiple credit cards,  I never understood the concept of Universal Default until it was too late.

I never took advantage of my own research skills to learn about Personal finance, budgets, and money management.

I had heard about Personal Finance. I had heard the Dave Ramsey show one day driving down from Maine. I remember thinking, wow, this may be a good thing to look into.  I never did. I had a Suze Orman book, read it cover to cover, but never really put her methods to work in my life. The closest I came was writing down what I owed to whom and sort of making a budget. This was when I pretty much gave up my credit cards, but never aggressively purused a debt reduction plan. I opted for the ultra slow re-payment plan.

Things I could have done better to maybe change my life.

I could have gotten a new job that at least paid what I had previously made prior to becoming underemployed, or at least matched my old benefits package (full health, retirement, better vacation benefits). I made the decision not to really pursue a better paying job until it was way too late for some of the dumbest reasons I won't even write down here.  Take my word on it, they were dumb reasons.

I could have aggresively cut back on my spending, but I did not. I was able to pay my bills and play a bit.  In hindsight, I should have paid more and played less.  That realization hit me far too late in the game.

Instead of surfing the internet for fun, I could have surfed the internet for information and advice on Personal Finance.

I could have found a way to find a part time second job, instead, I opted for sleeping in on the weekends.

You get the picture.

By the time I started my slide into fiscal hell, I was back pedaling to save my fiscal arse.  My life that was sort of going along started to fall apart for the reasons outlined in previous posts.  By the time I tried to "save myself" it was way too late.  Second jobs were hard to come by, I did not understand the concept of Universal Default until it caused my credit card interest rates to sky rocket (Then I learned ALL I ever wanted to know and then some).  I ended up in situations that kept going bad.  Yikes is all I can say.

In order for me to move forward (and for any one in my situation to move forward), I had to take a good hard look at my situation and realize that I have to take responsibility for my past actions.  I had to own up to what I did to myself. I had to realize that my Bankruptcy was caused in part by my own actions and partly by circumstances out of my control.

Some people file bankruptcy due to medical reasons, some people file bankruptcy because of job loss, some people file bankruptcy because their business goes bad, some people file bankruptcy because they are a one income family and the one income dries up, the reasons for filing bankruptcy are many.

BUT in order to bounce back from bankruptcy once you have to face up and own up to the reasons that caused your bankruptcy filing. You have to take ownership of your past actions, especially the ones that were in your control.  Honestly, you don't want to repeat them do you now?

It's taken me a long time to really get to and past this point.  No one really likes to admit how they have failed.   My failure(s) lead to me filing bankruptcy. There I said it. My failures helped to lead me to bankruptcy.  Now it's time to move on.

The next installment.

You've filed the bankruptcy, the discharge is in the mail, now what?

Tell All Tuesday on Thursday

I've been dealing with an upturn in work at work (a good thing!) and yesterdays dump of snow and ice in New England. Don't you just love winter?

I wanted to do a mini follow up to my Sunday post before I do PartIV of my Bankrupt Street saga.

When I reread the post, I don't think I made it clear that prior to the BK I had stopped using my credit cards, except for a some instances that I had to (plane tickets for work travel, car rentals, hotels). I was doing some travel related to my now defunct part time business and needed to use the credit cards, car rentals with a debit card are doable, but not easy.

Probably one of the most frustrating aspects of the whole situation prior to the Bankruptcy was that I had been making measurable, but slow progress in my debt reduction. I paid my bills on time, used cash 98% of the time, tried not to incur any additional debt. I did not take my credit cards and go on wild shopping sprees, take fancy expensive trips, buy expensive designer clothes with the intent of going bankrupt and evading my debt responsibilities. I used them for things like clothes shopping, gas, the Home Depot, what most of us would consider everyday purchases. When I realized (about 2.5 to 3 years prior to the BK) that my income was not increasing, I made the decision to go to a cash only basis, except for those instances where I needed to use credit. I tried to use my Am Ex since I had to pay that card off at the end of the month in full, but I do admit that I did use my credit cards for things like the travel, car rentals and yes, the odd occasional voyage to Macy's.

And as I wrote in the post, when things started to go south and the Universal Default kicked in, my balances sky rocketed because of the additional interest that got piled on. Then life got interesting as I like to say.

My next post about Bankrupt Street-How I am slowly getting off Bankrupt Street. The lessons I have had to re-learn, and what I've learned (and am still learning) about myself through this whole process, and how I've survived my first year post discharge.

Have a sunny day all!

Tell All Tuesday on Sunday-Bankrupt Street-How I Got There Part III

Here is the part III of how I became Bankrupt and it's not pretty!  In previous posts, you read about my personal history and my relationship with money.  In this post I'll elaborate a bit what led me to finally filing the Bankruptcy.

I previously posted about the Universal Default clause that oh so many credit card companies have as part of their Consumer agreement.  I can truthfully say, that the Universal Default is the most consumer unfriendly fiscal invention ever created.  

One of my fiscal issues was my slowly depleting savings account.  Part of the joy of home ownership is being responsible for the repairs and maintenance on the home itself.  I knew my house had some issues, but my home inspection did not turn up any major projects that needed doing.  Enter my insurance company.  First they wanted me to get a new roof.  Why? The roof I had was fine, about 12 years old and fine.  The insurance company said their inspection deemed the roof old and past it's shelf life.  Five quotes and four roofing contractors telling me the roof had at least another 5 years left in it,  I had the roof redone.  Two years later, the insurance company wanted me to paint my house.  Yes, I did have some peeling paint, but it was not that bad, in fact, I had put new siding on one part of the house and was slowly planning on working my way around the house, new siding and new windows.  Painting seemed to me to be a waste of someones time and my money, but the same deal, if I did not paint, I would be cancelled. So I got the house painted.  (and got a new insurance company after the fact too). All that came out of my small savings account and I did not replenish that savings account. 

Being underemployed played a big part in my fiscal downfall. I had a reduced salary and reduced benefits. I had to pick up part of the cost of my medical insurance, which later came back to bite me.  I also agreed to a new salary structure (and did not get it in writing-BIG MISTAKE) which eventually did not pan out.

As I stated earlier, I stopped using my credit cards.  I had 5 credit cards. Yup 5.  I was close to being maxed out on two, had plenty of credit on 2 of them and one was an AmEx. I would use the Am Ex because I had to pay it off each month.  I could not give up the plastic entirely, but I was managing. I still spent money, I just used my debit card. I was paying my bills and still "having a life". 

In 2005 I hit a streak of really bad luck and as I say, even with good research and carefully sought out advice, I started having huge money issues and the Universal Default started to rear it's ugly head. In no particular order the following things happened. My job, job description and pay scale changed, I tried to start a new part time business with someone, I made some bad investments with part of my retirement account, I started going through some relationship issues, and I just made some bad, bad decisions with my money. This is where I really wish I had found the world of Personal Finance and PF bloggers.  At this point, I may have been able to salvage myself.  May have been.

The Universal Default started to kick in a couple months after one of my car payments went missing in the mail. I got a late notice from the loan company, checked my bank account, saw the check never cleared and sent off a new check. No ding yet. A few months later I just totally forgot to pay my car loan. Nobodies fault but my own.  Paid the current and past due and had the 30 day late charge.  A few months later I open my credit credit card and was stunned to see the minimum amount due was like double what it had been the month before.  My first thought was 'Damm the payment did not make it", but I looked on the statement and yes, the payment had made it with room to spare, but my interest rate had been increased.  Up until this point I never had a late payment to my credit cards. I paid on line so that the payment hit the day before the due date or mailed it so that it arrived before the due date. I was not using my credit cards-How could this happen to me?  I called the company and the slightly apologetic lady told me that one reason my interest rate went up was because of my late payments.  To which I replied-"What late payments?" I'm looking at the past 18 months of statements and not one late payment.  

This is when she told me that the company could and did, exercise it's option to raise my interest rate because of my payment history with another lender.  Universal Default.  Guess what, I had no recourse to this Universal Default clause either.

To say that things snowballed is to put it mildly.  If you are reading this, then you have lived my story.  One credit card after another started increasing not only the interest rate, but one bank also upped the minimum due.  It was a double whammy.  Where I was making slow and steady progress in paying down the debt , I now could barely keep up with the payments.  Instead of seeing my amount owed decrease each month, it stayed pretty constant, only dropping literally a few dollars like 2 or 3.  Calls to have the percentage rate dropped fell on deaf ears, and one card holder also then decreased the credit limit as well.  They did this since I was not using the card (duh-I'm paying it off!) and my repayment history with other lenders was not good. I was denied even the chance of playing the balance transfer game. 

So here I am, with a non existent savings account, credit card payments that were manageable now through the roof, a change in my job pay scale (which in hindsight was STUPID, STUPID, STUPID), a several bad fiscal decisions, topped off by me having personal issues that just totally crapped out my year. I felt like someone had put a hex on me for 2005,  I really did.  

2006 did not start of much better, in fact, it got worse.  I was relying on promised bonuses to help with the credit card crunch I was in.  Because of the new job description and a change in the company (ie my boss did not want to pay out the new bonuses when he realized how much was going to employees and not him), our bonus structure got changed and guess what? I did not get the bonus I had been anticipating.  Talk about being screwed.... but let's face it, I did not plan well and relied far to much on that supposed bonus. 

In mid 2006 I switched jobs to a new company (the one I work for now), better pay, closer to home, but my credit situation was not improving. In fact, it was still spiraling out of control. I started missing payments on my credit cards, I spent money  I should have put towards my credit cards, I honored some personal obligations that cost me more money, I just made bad decisions.  To stop the hemorrhaging I took money out of my 401K, early withdrawal penalty be dammed.  It helped somewhat but did not stop the problem.  I still could not get out of my own way to improve my situation. No matter what I did, things just got worse. 

At this point, I had paid off my car loan, had put my student loan in deferment (again), and was trying to see if I could reverse the damage done.  Quite simply, I could not. I was paying more in debt repayments that I was taking in income.  My part time business partnership went no where and cost me money, I was having health issues that I had to cover payments out of pocket because of my high deductible plan (about $3,500 worth of bills, my deductible was $5,000). I had some minor car repairs to my old car, but it all added up.  

I started to do even more stupid things. I was ignoring the phone calls and letters from the credit card companies that may have been able to put me on a more reasonable repayment plan.  I did not seek out help. I just got totally overwhelmed.  One credit card company did "catch up" with me and I did set up a repayment plan, reduced interest rate, I got to pick the payment date, etc.  

What stuck out in my mind was the comment from the representative setting up the repayment schedule.  "Ms. B, you have been a customer of this bank for 10 years and never a late payment. In fact, up until this past year, you have been a great customer"  what happened?  All I could respond was that Life took a bad turn and I just never got back on the right street."    

After this conversation, I got up the belated courage to try and contact the other companies to see if I could work out a similar repayment plan.  No such luck.  I was a "day late and more than a dollar short". 

What eventually drove me to the Bankruptcy was being slapped with a judgement by one of the credit card companies. I was being taken to court for my credit card debt.  I was already napping on my couch when the Marshall came to my door to hand me the summons, but that put me to bed at 6:30 PM not to get out of bed until 8:00 AM the next day. I felt totally shattered that day, just shattered, run over and out of ideas as to what to do. 

I called my attorney to ask about what they hell I was supposed to do with this summons. He referred me to his partner who specialized in debt collection and bankruptcies and strongly suggested I make an appointment to see his Partner.   With great reluctance I made the appointment and brought all my documents as requested by his paralegal.  He reviewed my documents and said I was a candidate for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. I asked why not Chapter 13?  In my mind, I had collected these debts and I should repay them. If my creditors did not accept my plan for repayment, they would accept the courts and I could repay my debts. 

My attorney said the success rate of C13's was far less than C7's. In fact, C13's were harder to get than C7's, or so said he. We talked about me and my situation.  He gave me a bunch of paperwork to read and told me to think about it over the weekend and to call back on Monday.

I took the paperwork home and did not look at it for two days.  I was in denial about the whole surreal process, I really was.  Bankruptcy was a dirty word.  Only slimy people filed bankruptcy, the negative connotations were all swirling around in my head. People are going to read about me in the paper!  Me Bankrupt? I could just not fathom it all.   I spent a lot of time that weekend feeling  terrible and detached from myself.   I reread all the papers given to me and I did some internet research.  I went to bed one night still unsure of what to do.

I woke up the next morning and my decision was made, I would start the Bankruptcy process.  I was feeling beat up and I was tired. I called the law office and made a follow up appointment to start the paperwork. As they say, the rest is history, I became Bankrupt Betty that day.

Part IV- I'm Bankrupt Now What and how I'm getting off of Bankruptcy Street.

Bankrupt Street, How I Got There--Tell All Tuesday Revisited

Last month when I had a mini meltdown over an unkind comment on job number 3, one of my readers asked me to post how I became bankrupt. This week I will!. I have links to two posts done last year that explain a bit about me, my background, and my fiscal education. I'll post at the end of the week the third installment of how I ended up on Bankrupt Street. I've not edited them other than to increase the font size. I will warn you a head of time, I rambled on a bit.

Click here for Part I on my story.

Click here for Part II of my story.

Why I am putting out to my readers my story? Well, it's because I don't think my story and my fall into Bankruptcy is much different that what has happened and is happening to many folks. I did not plan to go bankrupt at any point in my life. Heck, at this point in my life, I expected to be at a totally different place than I am now, both personally and professionally. The fact of the matter is I'm not in that place. What has to happen is for me to put a lot of things behind me, move forward with my life and "bounce back". One reason I started this blog was to have a place to ramble on about my BK and the process (which I have done) and another reason is to let folks know that with time, effort and energy, you can bounce back from bankruptcy. I'm doing it and I want others to know it can be done!

One Of my Goals Achieved

One of my goals post Bankruptucy was to get a credit card again. Yes I know some of you are gasping in horror~ a credit card?! But yes, one way to help kick up that FICO score is to get a credit card.

Before I even knew I had my discharge, I was getting "pre-approved" credit card offers for people with challenged credit. Most all of these offers were, to say the least, more than a bit ridiculous with their fees-application fee, yearly fee, monthly fee, credit review fee, to say the least. To top it off, you would be "offered" a credit amount of $500, of which over $250 would be "fees" payable to this particular bank. Needless to say, did not jump at the offers. I read the fine print, laughed and then shredded the "applications".

One of my personal goals was to get a credit card that was not a secured credit card or one with these outrageous fees. It's been 10 months since I had to get my new to me car, almost a year since my discharge and I've been paying the car note early and an extra $10 a month to boot. I did some web surfing on Bankrate.com and narrowed my choices down to two banks for people with "challenged credit". I ultimately ended up choosing one bank over another (and no it's not Capitol One, the bank everyone loves to hate) because of the card design. Well, that was part of it, the other part was the interest rate, the credit limit, you know, the fine print,those things you should read before signing on the dotted line. I did do my homework and research on that aspect. But yes the card design choice was the kicker. It tipped the bank in my favor. :)

I am now the proud (yes proud) recipient of a credit card with a $500 limit and a yearly fee of $39 with an annual interest rate of 14.9 %. I feel like I have come full circle. I remember my very first credit card had a limit of $500. That was a long time ago, a very long time ago.

I guess the point of this post is that even in these tough economic times, with a discharged bankruptcy, you can qualify for consumer credit again. You have to be good, pay your bills on time, not go into collections on any account, and keep trying.

Don't kid yourselves, it's not like I'm going or went out and splurged with that new found credit card. Here is what I bought, $35 worth of special dog food for a finicky dog and $29 on a bottle of whiskey to make hot toddy's to help fight this cold. I also signed up for instant bill paying and paid $75 to the account today (forgetting that I had an annual fee, I'll make another payment tomorrow).

Someone Who Has "Bounced Back"

I started this blog to chronicle my journey through bankruptcy and how I would have to change my life. I know I'm not the only person who has gone through bankruptcy, I think I'm one of the few that blogs about it. I use this blog to vent, to ramble on about random things, to entertain and to give some hope to those also facing bankruptcy that while it is a horrible experience, it is not the end of the world. You can survive bankruptcy. I'm slowly doing it.

As I've posted before, I hold a real estate license. It's my non income producing second job at the moment. One of the agents I work with in the real estate office has two clients (a married couple with two children), who have filed Chapter 13 Bankruptcy. We will call them The Smiths. With that BK, they lost their home (had to do a short sale) and moved into a rental. Their reasons for filing a BK were due in part to a drastic reduction in income due to the husband going on long term workman's comp. for an injury and being over extended on consumer credit. They were bound and determined to become homeowners again.

Part of my "job" at the real estate office is to help the broker pull credit reports on tenants (mainly because he is not computer literate enough to navigate the on line system). The Smiths somehow managed to get into a rental while their C13 was still in the court system. From what I've heard, they have been stellar tenants with very few hiccups. This past spring, they thought they wanted to move to a different rental. We pulled their credit report for two prospective rentals and boy, were they surprised at the amount of incorrect information on their credit report. A number of accounts resolved in the C13 were still listed as active and past due or in collections, their former home was listed as a foreclosure sale, other loans were listed as past due (even though they had sold a number of the toys that contributed to the C13 Bk-boat, jet ski, 3rd and 4th vehicles). To top it off, all this mis-information resulted in a FICO score is the low 500's for both of them. When Mrs. Smith read her report and saw all this mis-information, she nearly had a meltdown. It also made me run for my credit reports to make sure my information was correct and current (it was not pretty information, but at least it was correct).

According to Mrs. Smith, the house was sold at a short sale (less of a hit than a foreclosure supposedly), the boat and jet ski sold and loans paid in full, the other cars turned in to the dealer for one newer family car (I'd hate to see that loan), and that they had been current on their credit cards and remaining loans. Their agent gave them a copy of their report and told them they had to get all this information updated. Given the really bad credit history, the c13 BK and what was currently on the credit report, she highly doubted that even with the good recommendation from their current landlord that they would be able to get into a decent rental house. That was and is the state of the current rental market. You want a good home or apartment, you need good credit.

What these folks did do was to connect with a local mortgage broker. They very badly want to purchase a home again. They both were back to being full time wage earners, they were working on their savings and they wanted to do what they needed to do. The local mortgage broker sat down with them and outlined her banks programs for people with average credit. She told them that her bank would not approve a mortgage for anyone with that FICO score period and the c13 needed to be at least two years old so that they could prove they were adhering to the Trustees re-payment schedule. The broker also told/taught them how to dispute the items on their credit report and how to follow up with the credit agencies, all three of them.

These folks took direction well. They dissected that credit report, they got all the documentation they needed, they questioned the misinformation, and they followed up. It took a couple months but almost all the mis-information was corrected and updated. I know they were going back and forth on a few items. The mortgage banker pulled their report in early October and their scores had just broken into the low 600's. The scores went up almost 100 points. The mortgage banker told them if they kept on doing what they were doing, that they could qualify for a new mortgage after the first of year. How do I know all this information, it's because they were open about the c13, they were willing to talk about it and they were willing to do what they needed to do to get back into their own home.

What they did right

1) They lived almost exclusively on cash.
2) When they did use their credit cards, they paid them off in full each month.
3) They lived within their means and did not rely on the overtime as "regular income"as they did in the past.
4) They used almost all of the overtime pay to pay down their bills and put it into savings.
5) They got rid of the "toys" and after the C13, did not go back out and repurchase them.
6) They consolidated their vehicles (down from 4 to 2).
7) They pulled their credit report and disputed the incorrect information.
8) They lived on a tight budget
9) They paid their bills on time.

For a number of people who are forced into Bankruptcy, it can be hard to go to the cash only mentality, live on a budget, and change their life. Here is an example of a couple who has done just that.

It's not been easy for them and there is no guarantee that they will qualify for a bank loan. The mortgage broker has made it clear that they will need a large down payment, need to keep working on their credit and will probably have a larger interest rate than someone with good credit and no BK.

It can be done folks, people can bounce back.

Just When I Think I Have a Handle on All of This

Something crops up to totally undermine my fiscal self esteem. Big Sigh, I hate that feeling. I really do.

Like most people, I have my issues. Feeling insecure about myself when I'm feeling down is one of them. I let those nagging horrible feelings come through and surface in my mind and I play my own set of head games until I can snap out of it and "get a grip". This weekend was one of those head game weekends.

I visited some of my cousins I've not seen in ages. Like ten years plus. They only live 2 hours away, but it could be 20, our paths just don't cross that often. This past weekend I made an effort to touch base with them. And it cost me my sanity for most of yesterday.

It goes without saying that the Bankruptcy was more than a little hiccup in my life. Compounded by other personal and professional non successes last year made for a really crummy 2007 for me. 2008 is getting better, but it's by no means outstanding, but definitely better than 2007.

Fast forward to dinner yesterday afternoon. I'm sitting at the table listening to my cousins talk about homes, jobs, kids, trips, hobbies, and it all sounds so much better than my life. Almost without exception, my cousins are married or partnered up, own their own homes, have successful jobs, own successful businesses, and their kids are nice, well mannered, smart, bright kids. They really are. In one respect I'm very proud of my family. We are second and third generation immigrant offspring and they have lived the American dream. My grandparents came to this country with $30 in their pocket and knew no one. They raised 4 kids and supported and sponsored literally dozens of other relatives who made that trans Atlantic crossing to Ellis Island. The conversation was not about one upping one another, it was a passing of information on to the cousin who has done her own thing for so long and to get me back up to speed on the family. I'm pretty certain too that they don't have a ton of credit card debt or have faced bankruptcy either. Not 100% sure, but pretty certain. I felt like I had been left in the dust of my go getting relatives.

It's just tough for me to see what they have accomplished and for me to wonder why I can not or have not been able to compete (for lack or a better term) on the same level they have. I live in a shoe box house with bad flooring and a funky roof leak, they live in lovely suburban homes with hardwood floors, and granite and cherry kithens, they have family Sundays, I have Sundays at the laudromat. They have trips to Tuscany each year (rent a villa for 2 weeks), I had a trip to Canada for someone else's family party.

Maybe it is comparing apples and oranges, and usually I'm pleased for other folks who are able to do these lovely and fabulous things. This time, I really felt like the poor relative. I just felt out of touch and out of step with what the rest of the family has done.

I really hate those feelings...

Successful Weekend And Looking Ahead.

I had a decent weekend tackling my to do list. I did another clutter/possession purge, made a trip to the town dump, got the returnables back to the store, managed to get my laundry done, met up with some friends and got treated to lunch on Sunday, solved my couch cushion dilemma, and actually went to a movie. I went to the movies because it was too muggy and humid to do yard work (well that was my excuse) and I've not been to the movies in ages. I saw Burn After Reading and really liked it. I love the Cohen Brothers!

I do consider the weekend successful on a couple levels, not only did I get some long neglected chores done, but I've been working very hard on changing my mindset these past couple months. Look at the glass half full instead of half empty. Be more of a Pollyanna. Look on the Bright Side of Life. Ditch the Negative People.

My long and lengthy to do list is still pretty long, but I was able to finish some outstanding projects and I've made substantial headway in my two main goals of the month and we are just halfway through September. When I looked at the list last night, I did not think, wow, I've got soo much left to do, instead it was "Wow I got a lot done and I got to have some fun as well! " That is a big improvement for me, a big improvement.

What has this got to do with Personal Finance. It's about realizing how far you have come towards your goals. Weather it's debt reduction or savings, I see and read a lot of blogs where people are complaining I have soo much debt left, or I am so far away from my savings goal. I'm here to say, give yourselves a pat on the back and look at what you have achieved. I know I've made some less than sensible decisions on how to spend my money recently and I've griped about my E-fund at a standstill. BUT I have an E-Fund now, last year at this time I was going crazy with the Bankruptcy filing, saving any money was just something I did not and could think about.

Try to spend some time congratulating your selves on your financial successess. Congratulate your selves on finding ways to monitize your blogs, sell things on E-bay/Craig's List, that you are truly getting the concept of snowflaking, you've started an Emergency Fund. Congratulate yourself on taking those steps that need to be taken and take a few moments to enjoy the day. You deserve it!

Joining Me in Bankruptcy Is....

Sherson Lehman Brothers, the big Wall Street investment bank. You can read about them and their decision to file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy here.

Merrill Lynch has "announced a new partnership with Bank of America" You can read about that deal here.

Merrill Lynch and BOA are hosting a webcast of their press conference, today at 10 AM. If you so desire, you can click here to get the link.

It's a good think I keep telling myself that my little investment account is set up for the long term, not the short term....

Lovely Monday Morning news, just lovely,

But Seriously, hope you all had a great weekend.

An Anniversary (of Sorts)

It's been a year since I started this blog and oh so much has happened. When I started the blog, I was in the middle of Bankruptcy filing hell. Every time I turned around, the attorney and the court needed another document, or more documentation, or the wrong form got filled out, or..., well, you get the picture.

I remember sitting in my office and literally sweating rivers of perspiration-mainly from the stress of the whole procedure. I had been told by my attorney that once the initial paperwork was filled out, the process would not take very long. I filled everything out, got copies of all bills, names of all creditors, and if I had a question, I asked the paralegal to make sure this process would go smoothly (if it ever does) Oh yeah, "not take very long". Right, it was three months until my hearing and then the discharge finally occurred three months after that.

I filled out my BK papers, made copies for myself and mailed them to my attorney (along with the requisite filing fee) in the end of May 2007, it seems I spent almost all of summer 2007 going back and forth between the court, the trustees and my attorney with forms and more forms. Then the delays-my CMA on my house was delayed because the agent doing it for free for me took his two week summer vacation. My attorney and his paralegal took their 10 day summer vacation (did either of these vacations overlap- No Of Course Not). I filled out paperwork, I got appraisals (sometimes two), I got quotes, I got copies of pay stubs (three pay periods prior to the application date, three pay periods prior to the court filing date), I took the requisite Bankruptcy credit courses (yes, when you file Bankruptcy, you are required to take classes on credit and credit management one before you can file and one before your Bankruptcy can be discharged), what ever the court and Trustee wanted, I got. At times, I felt like all I was doing was filing out paperwork for the court.

I read a number of blogs, one of them being Ladies in the Red and was struck by Katie's willingness to be so public with her Bankruptcy. She was even a featured article in the Sunday Mail (UK). She is based in the UK, but her web site gave me a lot of hope in a dismal time, and I even got a mention on her brassic blog when I got my discharge. She,plus a few others, gave me the courage to start my own blog. I had nothing to lose and if anything , just a place to vent.

I've reread a number of my earlier posts and Lord Almighty, I can see how stressed I was and how helpless I really was. My life was still spinning out of control at that time and I was helpless to stop it. Maybe not helpless, but it seemed like every time I could get control, it just fell out of my grasp. I just could not make things work like I wanted them to. What a feeling of hopelessness I had at times. Made even more difficult by the fact that I made the decision to tell no one about my problem, not my family, not my boss, not my friends. My neighbor found out because my old car decided to have a transmission meltdown the day I went for me 341 hearing (yes the transmission decided to die just as I driving home from my Trustee hearing), I was having a meltdown and blurted it out to her. I told my friend James because I was in a car repair hell meltdown. Other than that, I've not told a sole other than my readers.

I read somewhere in a book that it takes living a year and a day to get over a life changing incident and get on with life. I'm paraphrasing here, but the concept is when you survive something that really shakes you to your core, it takes a year and a day to start to move on. You have to go through all the seasons and celebrations of your regular life to move on to the next stage. You may or may not agree with this phrase, but I completely get the meaning behind it. It has taken me almost a year and a day to come to grip (and I mean really come to grip) with the fact that I am Bankrupt, and when I hit the year and a day mark for the discharge, I'm sure that will make me take notice as well. Up until the day I started this blog I had held the hope that somehow I would come up with the money I needed to pay off my debts (unexpected inheritance, win the lotto, get the long shot daily double at the track), I was going through the motions of bankruptcy, but still held this hope I would not have to finish the filing.

In a previous post just after my mini-break, I said it was nice to go away and not think of the Bankruptcy everyday. I went two days without the thought of my personal Bankruptcy entering my mind and smacking me upside the head. It did not happen because I was not on blogger, it happened because I am starting to move on and that is a good thing.

I'm not a bad person, I did not file Bankruptcy just to avoid my debts. I'm just a person who between a spell of bad luck, bad timing and decisions gone bad ended up in a fiscal hell. I thought long and hard about filing for Bankruptcy, I did not want that stigma of "being bankrupt" on my personal resume. In my mind, it clouded over all the other wonderful things I've done in my life and I accomplished personally and professionally. Eventually it will be just another event in my life, albeit a painful one.

What have I done since I've started this blog? A number of things. I got through the last stages of the Bankruptcy filing and got my discharge, the court and bank said I could keep my house (which was probably the most important thing to me, keeping my house), I've been able to learn from some of my decisions gone bad and have become a fiscally responsible person I used to be, my bills are all paid on time or early, I have an emergency fund, I'm working on a savings account, I'm starting to contribute back to my retirement fund, I'm working on a way to have a second career and income, I was able to get a car loan for a new to me car (albeit in the double digits, but I got a loan).

More importantly, I have a plan again for my life.

Public Record Vs. Public Knowledge

When you file for Bankruptcy, your case is assigned to a district of the US Bankrutcy Court (each state has at least one district). Your case or your filing is now Public Record. The US Bankruptcy Court even has a web site that lists the case, case number, creditors name, court date, Trustee and your attorney information. Ah yes, the entire world with a few key strokes is privy to your filing and any motions that may or may not be filed along with your case. Your Bankruptcy becomes Public Record.

Public Knowledge is a different kettle of chips. My Bankruptcy may be Public Record, but how many people really have Public Knowledge of the filing and its outcome. My guess is not too many unless you choose to tell them (I'm only talking about personal Bankruptcy, not business for farm), or if they choose to really pursue the information. In my case, I only told three people, my friend James (who probably told all my old friends and acquaintances, he can be very indiscreet) and my very nice neighbors, who probably told a few other folks, but hey I can't control them. No one has come up to me and said, "Oh, Sorry to hear about your Bankruptcy". Why I told James, well I needed to tell SOMEONE, it was after my 341 hearing and I was just going through a low point. I told my neighbor because it was just two days after my 341 hearing when my transmission decided to die on my old car and I had another teary eyed, snotty nosed breakdown.

Who also knows, ~my Town Clerk, I'm pretty positive about that. Probably my postman if he reads the return address on the envelopes I got from the Bankrtutcy Court (in LARGE PRINT-US BANKRUPTCY COURT). In Southern New England (Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Connecticut), there is an industry paper called the Commercial Record. It lists real estate transactions and credit reports. They have an entire section dedicated to Credit Reports. By Credit Reports, they report by town, Bankruptcies, foreclosures, liens (judgment, tax, contractor, and other). Most Town Clerks get a complimentary subscription. My Real Estate office gets the Commercial Record and I do read it, not only for the sales reports, but also for the credit section, I will admit, I troll the paper to see who has filed BK. I know you can purchase a mailing list of all Bankruptcy filers. I still get credit card and car loan offers for folks "with challenged credit". It is a sick obsession that I have now. When I lived in Northern Virginia, the Washington Post has a section of the weekly business section that not only listed the Bankruptcy, but the liability and assets of each filer. Thankfully my local paper does not print the Bankruptcy Court Calendars. None of my employers know, none of my family knows, most all of my close friends don't know, I have not told them and as far as I know, they don't know that I have filed. As far as I can tell, Public Knowledge of my Bankruptcy filing is very small.

I know I've said it before, a lot of folks think filing a Bankruptcy is the easy way out. It's not for reasons discussed in prior posts. When I said in my last post it was almost easy to do the filing, it was not because I wanted a way out of my financial responsibilities, it was because I had no way out and things were just going to get even uglier. But the question is "Do I want the entire world to know I filed Bankruptcy?" No, I don't, but the information gets out and gets out to a variety of people. Go for new car or homeowners insurance, they ask if you have a Bankruptcy and you get charged a higher rate (even if you have an excellent driving record!).So now your insurance agent knows, you might not even switch companies, but many insurance companies will check your credit report once a year "just in case". You may have never had a claim, but all of a sudden your rates increase. You hear about and find out about this fantastic job that you would be perfect for, they tell you as they need to run a credit report and you still have the BK on your report. The fact you have outstanding job skills has no bearing, the BK could tip the ball in another candidate's court. Who knows now about your BK, the company you just applied to and the entire interview team.

Facing and having a Bankruptcy in your file is akin to the Scarlet Letter-instead of an A, we wear a BK.

Someone asked in my previous post how to deal with the Public Knowledge of the BK. I honestly don't have an answer. I really wish I did. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of the BK myself. It is hard for me at this point. I have not really developed any great coping skills other than to remind myself I was given a second chance. When I'm having a crummy day (week or month) I try to remain optimistic and upbeat, I try to remind myself that this is a second chance I've been given. What I can do is remind myself that I am lucky that I was given this second chance, that I was able to keep my house, that even with the very recent discharge I was able to get a car loan (albeit with a two digit loan rate-for now at least). I am not a bad person, I volunteer, I was a Girl Scout, I donate to local Charities, I help old ladies across the street, I give up my seat on public transportation, I just happen to be Bankrupt.

I don't think about it too much because if I did, I'd be in bed, covers over my head, wondering why you can just put an IV of pasta and beer in my arm so I would never have to get out and face the world. I really don't want the world or heck, even my small village, to know my fiscal failure. I struggle with the fact I filed Bankruptcy. In the eyes of America, I was a personal fiscal failure. I filed Bankruptcy. It is the public perception in America that if you have filed Bankruptcy, you are less of a person. Not only do we have to have this mark on our credit reports for 7-10 years, the perception is you/we are a failure and America does not like failures. And American's (and almost every other culture) does not like to talk about money and personal fiscal failure.

Anonymous, I wish I had a better answer, I really wish I did. I'd be happy to share it with everyone. All I can say to you is if at least you have learned from your fiscal mistakes and have moved on and on for the better, that is pretty darned good.

It's My "Anniversary"-Sort Of

I have an anniversary today and it is one I have very mixed feelings about. On this day in 2007, I met with my attorney who looked over my paperwork and told me that my only option was to file bankruptcy, Yup, file bankruptcy, the big BK. One of the most stressful life events someone could have.

The attorney I used is a partner in a law firm I have used in the past. I have used the "Real Estate" specialist for not only my work in real estate, but for my own personal real estate transactions as well. I had a good working relationship with the real estate attorney and ended up (after months and months) having a good relationship with the bankruptcy attorney. It did not start out that way, and until I had my 341 hearing, he was positive that I was also facing foreclosure on my house. Cheery thoughts I had for 5 months, I may lose my house!

I can remember the initial meeting oh so well. I spent a large portion of my time prior to the appointment dodging phone calls from creditors and collection agencies. I had papers served on me for a judgment lien I could not negotiate my way out of with a collection agency. I was way too late in trying to set up re-payment plans, way too late. I spent a large portion of my time crying, no sobbing, wondering why and how this miserable experience happened to me. I spent a lot of time on and in my bed with the covers over my head just shutting out the world. I spent a lot of time just wondering how the freak this ALL HAPPENED TO ME. How did I let my whole world crash down on my head? How did I let this happen……..I was living a nightmare-it was holy hell in New England.

Pretty much the shortest and simplest explanation is I really had no concept of the Universal Default, then made (and repeatedly made) some stupid, stupid mistakes, and that all just snowballed into the mess I called my fiscal life at that point.

One year ago I was given this two inch stack of papers and sat down with the Paralegal to go over what needed to be done. Don't kid yourself folks, the administrative assistants, secretaries and paralegals are the ones who get most of the work done for the people they work for. I was forced to open all those envelopes and face my worst financial fears. I owed thousands of dollars (damm that universal default and ever growing interest rate) and just could not make the minimum payments on all my bills, no matter how hard I tried and I tried.

The decision to file the bankruptcy was almost easy, despite the fact that I had no guarantee that the court would entertain my petition. There is always the possibility that the court could dismiss your case, then you are back to square one. Bankruptcy dismissals happen just as often as bankruptcy discharges. I had to really distance myself from me. I looked at my own paperwork and saw what a mess I was in. This was a low point in my life. I was facing financial ruin, my on again off again boyfriend was OFF, my car was barely functioning, my work turning stressful (we were in the midst of a tough company restructure), I was getting the most annoying hot flashes (and they went away once the BK was well into the system~can you say stress taking over my body?), I was eating a ton of food (Pasta and cold beer are the ultimate comfort foods). I remember waking up one morning and going to myself "BB you have a couple choices, swallow your pride, fill out the paperwork and file the BK or jump in the lake and not come out." I swallowed my pride, filled out the paperwork and turned it in.


My BK paralegal is named Mary Ann and she has shown herself to be a gem. I know in some of my previous posts I was less than kind, but in retrospect, it was not her fault. She was dealing with not only me as a client, but the Attorney, the Court and the Trustee. She had to balance all four parties at once. I think she did a dammed fine job now that I have some time and emotional distance from the process. We actually have laughed through parts of this painful process.

The misconception out there is that Bankruptcy is the 'easy out'. Take my word, it is not. It's on my credit report for 10 years, it's part of the public record, there is the stigma that is attached to BK, there are the emotional issues I still face because of it. I am one of the lucky ones, I got to keep my house, most folks in a Chapter 7 have to sell their house and other assets. For some reason, the Trustee decided I could keep my house. I think the fact my mortgage payment is less than the going rate for rent in my area may have had something to do with it, but non the less I am dammed lucky to have the house. I was willing to give up almost everything else except my house. I had to re-affirm my debt on the house and the bank could do a couple things. 1) They could have decided not to accept the affirmation and called in the note-meaning I would have to have paid up the mortgage or sell the house. 2) If I fail to make payments in the future, they can call in the mortgage note because of the bankruptcy. I have been current on my mortgage payments for over 18 months. I do admit I went through a period prior to the BK where I was late on my mortgage; I got my act together and got current on my payments prior to the filing. I NEED a roof over my head (especially since my dog count seems to increase monthly). I've not been late since then; I've been on time and current as I should be.

This is not a happy anniversary in the typical sense. But it is an anniversary in that it was a painful wake up call in my life. A wake up call that made me re-evaluate my entire life. A wake up call that showed me I've been given a second chance to repair my fiscal life and repairing it I am. Onward and Upward.

Checking the Credit Reports

As part of my bankruptcy, I have been checking my credit reports to at least make sure the information contained in them is correct. As I've said before, it may not be perfect, but it needs to be correct.

I will this week, pull my last credit report. I've pulled from two of the three reporting agencies, now it is time to do the last one. This time I'm also going to get my FICO score. I can't remember the last time I got a FICO score, so I'm curious to see what it is now that I'm post BK and have a new installment loan for the car. I've been making my student loan and mortgage payments early for the past year, so I'm hoping the score is not totally dismal.

I really should have pulled the score with the first credit report, but I am such a chicken I did not. Time to put those fears aside and find out what the score is. I will keep you informed!

Seeing Some Light at The End of The Tunnel Even on This Gloomy Day

I sat down last night and paid my first batch of April monthly bills and I feel pretty good about it! Last month I had a bunch of unplanned expenses-mainly things I forgot I had to pay for and budget for. Vet visit for dogs $168, three membership renewals in various organizations $110, replacing my damaged storm door, $300 (ouchy on that one), and in one swoop that was $578 of unplanned for expenses. My electric bill was insane ($249) and I had a partial propane payment that I thought was due in April ($75). Part of the storm door came from my emergency fund, but it was still money out of pocket. I did use a small part of my tax refund to buy some new curtains for my bedroom and some new shades (which will be appreciated come mid summer to block out the really hot rays in that room). I had to give to the Court Trustee a huge majority of my tax refund as part of my BK. March was an expensive month. Oh yeah and the new vehicle......

BUT I am actually very pleased with a couple of things. Even though going back to a budget has been a learning experience (and my attempt at a zero based budget was pitiful). I am much more conscious of what I'm spending my money on. More than I have been in years. For those of you who are working on a budget and have this personal finance thing down pat, you may think-yeah so? But for me,working through this bankruptcy and the fiscal hell that was my life for so long this is a REALLY BIG THING. REALLY BIG.

I still have the second job hurdle to jump over, (this is one of the few times I dislike the rural area I live in). I want to go back to a more aggressive savings program (which will be possible with a second job to offset the car payment.) I'm in desperate need of a real vacation, or at least a 3-4 day weekend at home doing nothing being accountable to no one. Pay Per Post opps have dropped to nothing and I sell a few items on half.com (which gets snowflaked to my emergency fund and every once in a while, I buy myself a new to me DVD). I still have some items that are reaching the end of their working life and need to be replaced (laptop 6 years old, toaster oven-10 years old, lawn mower-8 years old, clock radio-just seems to be dying), but I'm checking out the sales, circulars and freecycle and craigs list.

Overall, I feel pretty optimistic as I enter April, more so than I have in previous months. I know I'm still in a huge relearning curve, but I'm feeling better and more confident about my future than I have in a long time. And that is a good thing.

Tell All Tuesday~Who The Heck Am I-Part 2

A couple weeks ago, I gave you my dissertation on the first part of my life, how I grew up and what I did and did not learn about money. Here is the second part.

I graduated from college with a respectable gpa, a ton of student loans, a car, a dog, and still not a heck of a lot of common sense about real money management. I could balance my checkbook, I shopped for clothes on sale, I was sensible, but not terribly informed. My grandmother surprised me during my junior year and bought me a car. It was not an expensive or fancy car, but it was a car. This was my grandmother who never seemed to enjoy her money, but she turned around and bought me a car. I remember my mother being really angry. Angry because she was not the one who bought the car. Angry because my grandmother made it very clear the car was bought for me and needed to be in my name and my name only, angry because I took the car, and even angrier that I quickly agreed to pay for the insurance and all repair bills so I could have the car at school. She called it my multiple birthday, Christmas, graduation present. My mother muttered that she never had a new car, only used ones. To put it mildly, things were a bit tense at my house for a while.

What I was discovering as I grew up was that my mother was a money manipulator. As I stated before, she made a lot of promises to me about money that she never followed up on or changed her terms and conditions with money. I know now a lot of her anger about my car was due to the fact that my grandmother had taken part of her control over me away from her. In retrospect, I have to give my grandmother a lot of credit. She knew I was a responsible person and I would live up to the agreement of valid insurance, no friends driving the car, no drinking and driving, pay for my own gas, etc. I lived up to my end and my mother was very bitter about it. She liked and still likes failure in other people. She did not like losing her control over me.

After working for a year, I went graduate school. Based on my undergraduate experience, I was determined to put myself through graduate school all on my own, and I did. I went to the local State University and did it again on grants, loans and scholarships. My mother's offers of financial help were taken with a grain of salt. I did not count on them and when they came, she would have her usual terms and conditions attached to them. I was getting tired of having conditions attached to money. I stopped asking for it, even for birthdays and Christmas. In fact, one Christmas I asked for a vacuum cleaner. It was easier to ask for things than for money. The money I could have used for things like food and car insurance, but even gift money had conditions. The fact I was putting myself through grad school without any parental help seemed to really make her mad. I took any money I was given, but I just stopped asking for any help. It was easy this way. I did not have to deal with what ever condition was being given with the check. A good dose of guilt and manipulation with each check, I did not need it anymore.

Graduate school wasn't easy. I can remember being really poor in graduate school, eating oatmeal for breakfast and lunch and ramen noodles with frozen vegetables for dinner. My boyfriend would occasionally come up to visit with a bag of real food, I'd ask him to bring food with color, most of my meals were beige or white. My university had an Ag school and at the Ag School Diary Bar for $5 I could buy half gallon of milk, a block of cream cheese, a half gallon of ice cream, and a pound of butter and occasionally a dozen eggs if they were in stock. Twice a month I shopped at the Dairy store, I ate a lot of dairy and I drank milk, I don't even really like milk, but milk was cheaper than soda and OJ. I can remember coming home from classes one morning all excited to have my oatmeal for lunch. I opened the sugar bowl to put a spoonful of sugar on my oatmeal, only to find it full of ants. I dumped the sugar out and cried. That was my last cup of sugar until the weekend when I would get my small paycheck from my part time job. I spent the next three days eating plain oatmeal, tea with no sugar, and plain ramen noodles. The only upside to this all was I was really skinny, my hair was falling out because of poor nutrition, but I was skinny!

During this time I had and used credit cards. When I realized that I could not afford credit cards, I just stopped using them and slowly paid them off-I had a couple gas cards, a couple store cards, and a Master Card. Some months I paid the minimum, some months I was able to pay more, I did use my Master Card sometimes-like when I was desperate for a tank of gas to get to and from class and my job, but I did pretty much stop using credit while I was being a student. I just did not have the money, it was hard enough to make ends meet as it was. I also was an expert in getting the most out of a tank of gas. I am proud to say the only time I ran out of gas was when I literally was pulling into the gas station one day. I pushed the car the last few feet.

After Graduate School I started to applying for jobs in New England and just not getting a job, a bunch of job interviews, but no job offers. I packed up my life in a small U-Haul and moved to Northern Virginia with my boyfriend. He had moved down about 6 months earlier, I followed. Life was pretty good. We had a small, but OK apartment that took dogs (I supported myself and my dogs while in grad school). He had a job, I had a couple job interviews and somehow I managed to find a job on my second interview and in my field as well. I started to earn money and put money away. My boyfriend and I opened a joint checking account and we each had our own separate checking account as well. We used the joint account for household expenses and our separate account for our own fun expenses. Somehow it evolved that my boyfriend became the one who managed our money, he paid the bills, he gave us each an allowance, we both worked on the budget, it was pretty easy for me to allow him to just take control of the money. Plus I think his ego was a bit bruised. It ended up that I was the one in the relationship that earned a better salary and had better benefits. He kept saying it did not matter, but I think it did matter, nay, no later on it really mattered when I eventually moved up to a better job with more money and he did not. Since I never learned how to really manage my money, it was also easier for me to let him take care of our finances. He was actually very good at it. It was at this time that my mother started getting really weird about money. This in and of itself is a whole other serious of posts that can be lumped in with families and money.

We were doing well. I picked up a part time job that required some travel (and subsequently got me re-hooked on travel), I used the money from the part time job to pay for additional part time study for an advanced certification. I worked a full time job, a part time job and was studying for an advanced certificate. I got a new job and I learned a bunch of new skills, one of them was budgeting and money management for my department. I found out I was really good at budgeting and money management. I was able to increase income, decrease expenses and turn a profit. I got a couple credit cards. We used the cards for everything from gas for the car to school books, to family presents, to clothes shopping. We usually carried a balance, not a high one, eventually, I paid off the cards, but kept them. I liked having my plastic, I was able to shop without having to answer to my boyfriend for each debit on our debit card.

After a long time together and divergent interests, the long time boyfriend and I split up. We were having issues and part of the issues were money issues. That too is another set of posts, relationships and money. The issue was I was trying to take control of my money and it did not go over too well with my boyfriend. I had for a number of years (almost nine), let him handle our money, how it was budgeted, how it was spent, what it was spent on. Now I was taking control of my own fiscal life. I had a 401K, I wanted to donate to charities more than we were doing, I wanted us to buy property (we lived in a nice and inexpensive rental), he did not.

After I left my boyfriend, I lived happily in the WDC metro area for about 2 years until an internal transfer in my company came up and I had the desire and urge to move back to New England. After 11 years, it was time to go 'home". As Yogi Berra said, it was Déjà vu al over again. I packed up my life in a U-Haul and moved to NE. I bought a very small house and worked at my company for about another year. The company was changing and I did not like the direction the company was taking. My new boss was a very difficult person (and in hindsight, I should have realized something was wrong when she went through 12 managers in her division in less than one year), I was hating the commute from my house to work (about 40 minutes on a good day, the work did not have regular hours, a lot of long time employees at the main office were leaving and I wanted out.

I read the local paper and saw a job announcement for an office manager in a local business. I interview and took the job despite a cut in salary and benefits. It had regular 9-5 hours and I figured I'd be able to get a part time job. I had a couple part time seasonal jobs, I had money in the bank, I had no great demands on my time or life, or my bank account. I was slowly paying down my credit cards and enjoying the change of pace while I tried to figure out my life. I thought I would just have an epiphany and get a new life and go back to my slightly workaholic way of life. 'Twas not to be. 9-11 happened and as we all know, the world changed.

In retrospect, I made several mistakes. I changed jobs and took a salary and benefits cut. I made the mistake of not having a decent emergency fund. I made the mistake of not realizing until it was really too late that I was pretty much underemployed, but at least employed and did nothing to change my situation until it was too late. I still used my credit cards, but not as much as I had. I did not plan for or anticipate various house expenses-new roof, new exterior paint job, the various DIY projects that always crop up that occur with home ownership and life expenses. I had a semi serious long distance relationship that started to drain me not only monetary, but emotionally as well. I made a bunch of pretty stupid decisions, many of them financial. I made the decision at one point to stop using my credit cards and just starting paying them off. I literally just stopped using them, lived on cash and made the effort to pay of the cards. Even with good advice and careful research, I was having money issues. I needed a better paying job and I needed to get my act together.

But what really got me in trouble was my lack of understanding of the Universal Default. It was Universal Default that eventually pushed me over the edge. I will admit I made some bad choices with my money, I had one car payment go missing, I made a double payment the next month and a couple months later I missed a payment. This was all it took for the Universal Default to kick in and that was all I needed to go into fiscal hell.

The next installment

How the Universal Default kicked my butt, how my family still managed to make me crazy, how my very fragile fiscal life fell apart, how I ended up Bankrupt and how I am "Bouncing Back".