How this all Happened and What's Going to Happen Next

I took a few days break from blogging because I was short on time, my internet connection at home sucks, and I needed to get my head together. This will be a long one and will include some new blogs of note, and my plan for the next week.

As I posted earlier, I had my "signing session" at my attorney's office. Other than me not remembering that I needed to fork over extra money (filing fee, title search), it went rather well. I talked to the paralegal yesterday and she is filing the paperwork with the court. It seems these filings are all done electronically now. The next steps are to look in my mail for a court date and I'll have to trek down to Federal Court for the hearing. If all things go as they should, I'll be able to keep my house, maybe keep my Rollover 401K (now a Roth), and be able to get my life back on track. Or so says Ladies in the Red.

Somewhere in someones's blog comments, was a comment that Bankruptcy was the easy way out. I reiterate it is not the easy way out. It was a difficult and long thought out decision to file. Like so many people, it hit me hard. The Tough Broad describes how even without being thirty days late on a credit card payment, even being one day has a way to hike up your interest rates. That happened to me. Like Ladies in the Red, I too had a side business and a personal guarantee on it and it went ass over tip and so did my investment. And like Ladies in the Red, I lost my money. Unlike Ladies in the Red, I think I will be able to keep my house and my bank account (the UK system is different than the US system, but the stigmas are the same and it sounds like the courts there take all your assets, your money and the banks close your accounts OUCH.)

The funny thing is, I work in management and sales and a lot of my income was commissioned based. I balanced budgets, ran departments, managed a staff of 21 and made money for my company. Somewhere along the line, I totally lost control of my own finances. I kept thinking I could control what was happening to me, our sales would increase and so would my commissions and bonus, and I could pay down more debt. My side business really was not in danger of floundering as badly as my partner and I thought it would, I thought I could get an additional part time job to make ends meet (part time jobs that met my schedule were almost non existent, most part time jobs in my area are non existent). It still amazes me how successful I was at my job and I could not make it translate to my personal life. Where did I go wrong? God I lived in such a fantasy life!

I had stopped almost total use (emergencies only) of credit cards for a number of years and all I did was work on paying down the balances. I'd pay my minimum plus extra on each card. I transferred balances so I could pay down and get rid of cards. For a while, it was working, then the couple sort of late payments and the drastic rise in interest rates. A couple cards came down after a lot of time on the phone, a couple did not. My personal life also seemed to take a weird turn and it seemed like all my good luck in life came to a grinding halt. I felt like someone had cursed me (seriously-I went from really good to moderately bad to freaking miserable in a few short months) My minimum amount due increased and the progress I was making paying down balances came to a grinding halt. One credit card minimum due more than doubled, I first thought I had missed a payment, I had not, it was the increase in the interest rate and the increase in the minimum amount due. I had a minimal emergency fund that I dipped into when I should not have (unexpected dental visit, unexpected home improvement emergency). All of the above plus some other really stupid financial decisions ALL added up. Last summer I lost my job, I also had an unexpected $1000 medical emergency (my health insurance was a $5000 deductible plan and at the time no HSA) and my side business cost me the rest of my savings (I bailed out of the business a month later when it was apparent my partner and I were not going to be successful and I could not spend anymore money on it and they were not willing or able to live up to their part of the partnership work wise or money wise-can you say Betty the Doormat?) and I while I got a new job almost immediately, it did not start for three weeks. Between the medical emergency, the lag in unemployment (would have only been one week of salary), the side business draining my account, I just lost control and silly me, I stopped paying my bills to pay my mortgage, buy food, pay my electric bill. I just got soo depressed.

It all came to head months later. I got served with a summons, try as I might to negotiate a payment plan with one company, they did not want to set up a plan (I had set up a special repayment plan with Bank of America when they bought out my old CC, it was a reasonable and prudent plan and the those folks did not make me feel like I was evading my responsibilities, they worked with me to come up with a reasonable plan) and the Marshall came by my house with a summons. That is what finally drove me to my attorney's office and now here I am. 43, facing bankruptcy, facing a major life change, and wondering if I will be able to keep my house and if indeed I have hit bottom and can I bounce back. My house needs repairs, my car needs work, two of my dogs hate each other and are making me crazy (one is for sale or free to a good home, they are good with people and other dogs, just hate each other) my computer is on it's way out, my body feels like it is breaking down. When I get stressed I eat, I've eaten so much that I've gained two sizes (not good).

Finding Ladies in the Red was a breathe of fresh air yesterday. Here is a woman who had it all and lost it all. Her list of famous people who have declared and survived bankruptcy was a good read. Even though her experience with insolvency (I like that term so much better than bankrupt) was horrible, she has made lemonade out of lemons. Ms M&P wrote and said she had a friend who declared bankruptcy last year and is on her way back up.

Part of my process for this year is trying to use the Law of Attraction and Creative Visualization to put me in a better frame of mind and to help get back my focus. I put together a poster of various sayings, goals, and pictures of things I'd like to accomplish/have this year and two of the sayings where A Fresh Start and Starting Over. By using this process I have achieved two of my goals and am working on achieving the others.

I think that once I survive the court date, I will have a Fresh Start to Start Over with my life. Having these Personal Finance blogs to read has also been very helpful. I cheer when a Tough Broad reports she paid off a credit card and I can relate living like a college student. You do what you have to do to make it work. I love the post Saving Diva had on inexpensive cosmetics, I think it's great Krystal at Work as maxed out her RRSP this year (though I wonder how she manages to work as much as she does and play in all those hockey leagues, far too much energy for me!). Laughing at Gilded Butterflies writes wonderfully about sensibly using her credit card to manage her life and finances to help simply her life. Even though Jenn Lancaster is not a true PF blog, reading her books really make me laugh. I too have dumbed down my resume to get a job, any job, have spent a ton of time tanning (melanoma be dammed) and I admire her dedication to lose all that excess weight (it has inspired me to find a way to afford a gym membership again, I could stand to loose at least 30 if not 45 pounds myself) and can't wait to read the new book when it comes out. I'm totally envious of Karyn Bosnak for coming up with the novel idea to grub shamelessly on line for money and one of my favorite lines (Swipe, sign and it was mine). Each time I read a new blog, I find some great blog links, some PF, many not, most pretty darned good reads!.

My plan for the rest of the month is to lay low, keep working on the decluttering of the house and my life (I have not let my desk get out of control in three weeks). I've put some books on half.com, but no takers yet. Probably time for a price reduction or a change in inventory. Since I don't have any spare money to spend on anything (I had the shopping spree and the other attorney's fees), I will re-evaluate my budget progress for the past month, plan my October budget and work hard on visualizing a new and better life for me and my dogs. Keep blogging folks!