One reason many of us start blogs and personal finance ones is because we need an outlet for our worries and concerns about our finances. Personal finance is pretty much a taboo subject in American culture. In general, most folks don't go to parties and discuss their VISA debt or any debt at all. It just makes people uncomfortable to talk about. Discussing personal bankruptcy, heck you may as well put a big fat black B on your chest and watch yourself be really shunned, it just makes folks uncomfortable.
In my case, I started this blog after spending about 8 months reading other PF blogs. I was in the middle of my Bankruptcy filing and dealing with those issues and all the conflicting emotions and feelings I was having about becoming Bankrupt. The blog gave me a place to vent and to share. I've gotten some excellent advice both in my comments and in my e-mail from my readers and for that I am very grateful. I did this Bankruptcy all on my own. I'm not married, not currently in a steady relationship and of course, did not tell my family or friends (save for 2 friends). I used this blog as a place to vent, get support, and get information and I still do use it for that reason. I may be discharged, but I have a long way to go before I really "bounce back from bankruptcy". I'm in a huge learning curve and will be for a long time.
Along the way I have collected a number of blogs I read on a regular basis. I have the "baby bloggers", those single folks in their 20's and early 30's who are paying off student loans, credit card debt while trying to balance having a social life and a work life. The families working towards debt reduction or the goal of buying a home and I'm slowing finding the "boomer bloggers"-people closer to my age that blog about personal finance and life. What I love about the blogsphere is the diversity of the authors of each blog.
I have one blog I've been reading for a while that has gone very quiet. It's a woman who has written about her (and her husbands) struggle with debt and personal finance. They are struggling, they have car, boat, mortgage, loan and credit card payments. She was making progress each month towards her debt reduction. A few weeks ago she stopped posting. I figured she was taking a break, she did say she wanted a little break from blogging to just relax a bit. I clicked onto her link today and got the message that the author deleted the blog. I've had a couple links where I've gotten the same message, blog unavailable, blog only open to invited readers, blog deleted.
I worry about some of those blog authors. The common theme prior to deletion was that of more pain and despair, you could read the struggle they were having with managing their money. The other common theme was they almost without exception where the ones shouldering the responsibility of the debt, even if they were in a relationship, it seems they were the one person coordinating the debt reduction and taking on all the responsibility. Since they were blogging (anonymously) about it, I had hoped that maybe they were taking some of the advice under consideration (the good, the bad, the kind and the not so kind.).
For any of you who may read this blog and would like to start your own, please do!. Ask for reciprocal links, put yourselves out there, make the time a couple times a week to post. I've gotten tons of support from people and even more ideas, hints, help, suggestions and resources than I can ever list here. Just don't go "silent" and leave us all wondering 'what happened"/
Showing posts with label personal finance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal finance. Show all posts
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Drowning In Debt
National Public Radio is running a 5 part series on Americans and Debt, called Drowning in Debt. Part two was this morning, the story of a woman, her husband, 11 credit cards, rising interest rates, and then the loss of job income. These folks were lucky, they got into credit counseling and were able to make some lifestyle changes.
I will post the link to tomorow's story tomorrow!
I will post the link to tomorow's story tomorrow!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Less Than One Half of One Percent...
of ones yearly salary is what the average America saves nowadays. In the late 1970's, early 1980's, the average American saved 11% of it's yearly salary. Less than one of half of one percent-that is a very scary statistic.
National Public Radio is running a week long series on money,debt, and finances. Click here for the link to the first installment of the series. There is also a link on that page to the podcast.
Tomorrow, NPR will be interviewing and speaking with a woman is who struggling to get out of credit card debt. I am a fan of NPR and it's reporting, and I am curious to hear their series on Americans, debt, finance and the what not. Should be interesting!
National Public Radio is running a week long series on money,debt, and finances. Click here for the link to the first installment of the series. There is also a link on that page to the podcast.
Tomorrow, NPR will be interviewing and speaking with a woman is who struggling to get out of credit card debt. I am a fan of NPR and it's reporting, and I am curious to hear their series on Americans, debt, finance and the what not. Should be interesting!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tell All Tuesday~Who The Heck Am I-Part 2
A couple weeks ago, I gave you my dissertation on the first part of my life, how I grew up and what I did and did not learn about money. Here is the second part.
I graduated from college with a respectable gpa, a ton of student loans, a car, a dog, and still not a heck of a lot of common sense about real money management. I could balance my checkbook, I shopped for clothes on sale, I was sensible, but not terribly informed. My grandmother surprised me during my junior year and bought me a car. It was not an expensive or fancy car, but it was a car. This was my grandmother who never seemed to enjoy her money, but she turned around and bought me a car. I remember my mother being really angry. Angry because she was not the one who bought the car. Angry because my grandmother made it very clear the car was bought for me and needed to be in my name and my name only, angry because I took the car, and even angrier that I quickly agreed to pay for the insurance and all repair bills so I could have the car at school. She called it my multiple birthday, Christmas, graduation present. My mother muttered that she never had a new car, only used ones. To put it mildly, things were a bit tense at my house for a while.
What I was discovering as I grew up was that my mother was a money manipulator. As I stated before, she made a lot of promises to me about money that she never followed up on or changed her terms and conditions with money. I know now a lot of her anger about my car was due to the fact that my grandmother had taken part of her control over me away from her. In retrospect, I have to give my grandmother a lot of credit. She knew I was a responsible person and I would live up to the agreement of valid insurance, no friends driving the car, no drinking and driving, pay for my own gas, etc. I lived up to my end and my mother was very bitter about it. She liked and still likes failure in other people. She did not like losing her control over me.
After working for a year, I went graduate school. Based on my undergraduate experience, I was determined to put myself through graduate school all on my own, and I did. I went to the local State University and did it again on grants, loans and scholarships. My mother's offers of financial help were taken with a grain of salt. I did not count on them and when they came, she would have her usual terms and conditions attached to them. I was getting tired of having conditions attached to money. I stopped asking for it, even for birthdays and Christmas. In fact, one Christmas I asked for a vacuum cleaner. It was easier to ask for things than for money. The money I could have used for things like food and car insurance, but even gift money had conditions. The fact I was putting myself through grad school without any parental help seemed to really make her mad. I took any money I was given, but I just stopped asking for any help. It was easy this way. I did not have to deal with what ever condition was being given with the check. A good dose of guilt and manipulation with each check, I did not need it anymore.
Graduate school wasn't easy. I can remember being really poor in graduate school, eating oatmeal for breakfast and lunch and ramen noodles with frozen vegetables for dinner. My boyfriend would occasionally come up to visit with a bag of real food, I'd ask him to bring food with color, most of my meals were beige or white. My university had an Ag school and at the Ag School Diary Bar for $5 I could buy half gallon of milk, a block of cream cheese, a half gallon of ice cream, and a pound of butter and occasionally a dozen eggs if they were in stock. Twice a month I shopped at the Dairy store, I ate a lot of dairy and I drank milk, I don't even really like milk, but milk was cheaper than soda and OJ. I can remember coming home from classes one morning all excited to have my oatmeal for lunch. I opened the sugar bowl to put a spoonful of sugar on my oatmeal, only to find it full of ants. I dumped the sugar out and cried. That was my last cup of sugar until the weekend when I would get my small paycheck from my part time job. I spent the next three days eating plain oatmeal, tea with no sugar, and plain ramen noodles. The only upside to this all was I was really skinny, my hair was falling out because of poor nutrition, but I was skinny!
During this time I had and used credit cards. When I realized that I could not afford credit cards, I just stopped using them and slowly paid them off-I had a couple gas cards, a couple store cards, and a Master Card. Some months I paid the minimum, some months I was able to pay more, I did use my Master Card sometimes-like when I was desperate for a tank of gas to get to and from class and my job, but I did pretty much stop using credit while I was being a student. I just did not have the money, it was hard enough to make ends meet as it was. I also was an expert in getting the most out of a tank of gas. I am proud to say the only time I ran out of gas was when I literally was pulling into the gas station one day. I pushed the car the last few feet.
After Graduate School I started to applying for jobs in New England and just not getting a job, a bunch of job interviews, but no job offers. I packed up my life in a small U-Haul and moved to Northern Virginia with my boyfriend. He had moved down about 6 months earlier, I followed. Life was pretty good. We had a small, but OK apartment that took dogs (I supported myself and my dogs while in grad school). He had a job, I had a couple job interviews and somehow I managed to find a job on my second interview and in my field as well. I started to earn money and put money away. My boyfriend and I opened a joint checking account and we each had our own separate checking account as well. We used the joint account for household expenses and our separate account for our own fun expenses. Somehow it evolved that my boyfriend became the one who managed our money, he paid the bills, he gave us each an allowance, we both worked on the budget, it was pretty easy for me to allow him to just take control of the money. Plus I think his ego was a bit bruised. It ended up that I was the one in the relationship that earned a better salary and had better benefits. He kept saying it did not matter, but I think it did matter, nay, no later on it really mattered when I eventually moved up to a better job with more money and he did not. Since I never learned how to really manage my money, it was also easier for me to let him take care of our finances. He was actually very good at it. It was at this time that my mother started getting really weird about money. This in and of itself is a whole other serious of posts that can be lumped in with families and money.
We were doing well. I picked up a part time job that required some travel (and subsequently got me re-hooked on travel), I used the money from the part time job to pay for additional part time study for an advanced certification. I worked a full time job, a part time job and was studying for an advanced certificate. I got a new job and I learned a bunch of new skills, one of them was budgeting and money management for my department. I found out I was really good at budgeting and money management. I was able to increase income, decrease expenses and turn a profit. I got a couple credit cards. We used the cards for everything from gas for the car to school books, to family presents, to clothes shopping. We usually carried a balance, not a high one, eventually, I paid off the cards, but kept them. I liked having my plastic, I was able to shop without having to answer to my boyfriend for each debit on our debit card.
After a long time together and divergent interests, the long time boyfriend and I split up. We were having issues and part of the issues were money issues. That too is another set of posts, relationships and money. The issue was I was trying to take control of my money and it did not go over too well with my boyfriend. I had for a number of years (almost nine), let him handle our money, how it was budgeted, how it was spent, what it was spent on. Now I was taking control of my own fiscal life. I had a 401K, I wanted to donate to charities more than we were doing, I wanted us to buy property (we lived in a nice and inexpensive rental), he did not.
After I left my boyfriend, I lived happily in the WDC metro area for about 2 years until an internal transfer in my company came up and I had the desire and urge to move back to New England. After 11 years, it was time to go 'home". As Yogi Berra said, it was Déjà vu al over again. I packed up my life in a U-Haul and moved to NE. I bought a very small house and worked at my company for about another year. The company was changing and I did not like the direction the company was taking. My new boss was a very difficult person (and in hindsight, I should have realized something was wrong when she went through 12 managers in her division in less than one year), I was hating the commute from my house to work (about 40 minutes on a good day, the work did not have regular hours, a lot of long time employees at the main office were leaving and I wanted out.
I read the local paper and saw a job announcement for an office manager in a local business. I interview and took the job despite a cut in salary and benefits. It had regular 9-5 hours and I figured I'd be able to get a part time job. I had a couple part time seasonal jobs, I had money in the bank, I had no great demands on my time or life, or my bank account. I was slowly paying down my credit cards and enjoying the change of pace while I tried to figure out my life. I thought I would just have an epiphany and get a new life and go back to my slightly workaholic way of life. 'Twas not to be. 9-11 happened and as we all know, the world changed.
In retrospect, I made several mistakes. I changed jobs and took a salary and benefits cut. I made the mistake of not having a decent emergency fund. I made the mistake of not realizing until it was really too late that I was pretty much underemployed, but at least employed and did nothing to change my situation until it was too late. I still used my credit cards, but not as much as I had. I did not plan for or anticipate various house expenses-new roof, new exterior paint job, the various DIY projects that always crop up that occur with home ownership and life expenses. I had a semi serious long distance relationship that started to drain me not only monetary, but emotionally as well. I made a bunch of pretty stupid decisions, many of them financial. I made the decision at one point to stop using my credit cards and just starting paying them off. I literally just stopped using them, lived on cash and made the effort to pay of the cards. Even with good advice and careful research, I was having money issues. I needed a better paying job and I needed to get my act together.
But what really got me in trouble was my lack of understanding of the Universal Default. It was Universal Default that eventually pushed me over the edge. I will admit I made some bad choices with my money, I had one car payment go missing, I made a double payment the next month and a couple months later I missed a payment. This was all it took for the Universal Default to kick in and that was all I needed to go into fiscal hell.
The next installment
How the Universal Default kicked my butt, how my family still managed to make me crazy, how my very fragile fiscal life fell apart, how I ended up Bankrupt and how I am "Bouncing Back".
I graduated from college with a respectable gpa, a ton of student loans, a car, a dog, and still not a heck of a lot of common sense about real money management. I could balance my checkbook, I shopped for clothes on sale, I was sensible, but not terribly informed. My grandmother surprised me during my junior year and bought me a car. It was not an expensive or fancy car, but it was a car. This was my grandmother who never seemed to enjoy her money, but she turned around and bought me a car. I remember my mother being really angry. Angry because she was not the one who bought the car. Angry because my grandmother made it very clear the car was bought for me and needed to be in my name and my name only, angry because I took the car, and even angrier that I quickly agreed to pay for the insurance and all repair bills so I could have the car at school. She called it my multiple birthday, Christmas, graduation present. My mother muttered that she never had a new car, only used ones. To put it mildly, things were a bit tense at my house for a while.
What I was discovering as I grew up was that my mother was a money manipulator. As I stated before, she made a lot of promises to me about money that she never followed up on or changed her terms and conditions with money. I know now a lot of her anger about my car was due to the fact that my grandmother had taken part of her control over me away from her. In retrospect, I have to give my grandmother a lot of credit. She knew I was a responsible person and I would live up to the agreement of valid insurance, no friends driving the car, no drinking and driving, pay for my own gas, etc. I lived up to my end and my mother was very bitter about it. She liked and still likes failure in other people. She did not like losing her control over me.
After working for a year, I went graduate school. Based on my undergraduate experience, I was determined to put myself through graduate school all on my own, and I did. I went to the local State University and did it again on grants, loans and scholarships. My mother's offers of financial help were taken with a grain of salt. I did not count on them and when they came, she would have her usual terms and conditions attached to them. I was getting tired of having conditions attached to money. I stopped asking for it, even for birthdays and Christmas. In fact, one Christmas I asked for a vacuum cleaner. It was easier to ask for things than for money. The money I could have used for things like food and car insurance, but even gift money had conditions. The fact I was putting myself through grad school without any parental help seemed to really make her mad. I took any money I was given, but I just stopped asking for any help. It was easy this way. I did not have to deal with what ever condition was being given with the check. A good dose of guilt and manipulation with each check, I did not need it anymore.
Graduate school wasn't easy. I can remember being really poor in graduate school, eating oatmeal for breakfast and lunch and ramen noodles with frozen vegetables for dinner. My boyfriend would occasionally come up to visit with a bag of real food, I'd ask him to bring food with color, most of my meals were beige or white. My university had an Ag school and at the Ag School Diary Bar for $5 I could buy half gallon of milk, a block of cream cheese, a half gallon of ice cream, and a pound of butter and occasionally a dozen eggs if they were in stock. Twice a month I shopped at the Dairy store, I ate a lot of dairy and I drank milk, I don't even really like milk, but milk was cheaper than soda and OJ. I can remember coming home from classes one morning all excited to have my oatmeal for lunch. I opened the sugar bowl to put a spoonful of sugar on my oatmeal, only to find it full of ants. I dumped the sugar out and cried. That was my last cup of sugar until the weekend when I would get my small paycheck from my part time job. I spent the next three days eating plain oatmeal, tea with no sugar, and plain ramen noodles. The only upside to this all was I was really skinny, my hair was falling out because of poor nutrition, but I was skinny!
During this time I had and used credit cards. When I realized that I could not afford credit cards, I just stopped using them and slowly paid them off-I had a couple gas cards, a couple store cards, and a Master Card. Some months I paid the minimum, some months I was able to pay more, I did use my Master Card sometimes-like when I was desperate for a tank of gas to get to and from class and my job, but I did pretty much stop using credit while I was being a student. I just did not have the money, it was hard enough to make ends meet as it was. I also was an expert in getting the most out of a tank of gas. I am proud to say the only time I ran out of gas was when I literally was pulling into the gas station one day. I pushed the car the last few feet.
After Graduate School I started to applying for jobs in New England and just not getting a job, a bunch of job interviews, but no job offers. I packed up my life in a small U-Haul and moved to Northern Virginia with my boyfriend. He had moved down about 6 months earlier, I followed. Life was pretty good. We had a small, but OK apartment that took dogs (I supported myself and my dogs while in grad school). He had a job, I had a couple job interviews and somehow I managed to find a job on my second interview and in my field as well. I started to earn money and put money away. My boyfriend and I opened a joint checking account and we each had our own separate checking account as well. We used the joint account for household expenses and our separate account for our own fun expenses. Somehow it evolved that my boyfriend became the one who managed our money, he paid the bills, he gave us each an allowance, we both worked on the budget, it was pretty easy for me to allow him to just take control of the money. Plus I think his ego was a bit bruised. It ended up that I was the one in the relationship that earned a better salary and had better benefits. He kept saying it did not matter, but I think it did matter, nay, no later on it really mattered when I eventually moved up to a better job with more money and he did not. Since I never learned how to really manage my money, it was also easier for me to let him take care of our finances. He was actually very good at it. It was at this time that my mother started getting really weird about money. This in and of itself is a whole other serious of posts that can be lumped in with families and money.
We were doing well. I picked up a part time job that required some travel (and subsequently got me re-hooked on travel), I used the money from the part time job to pay for additional part time study for an advanced certification. I worked a full time job, a part time job and was studying for an advanced certificate. I got a new job and I learned a bunch of new skills, one of them was budgeting and money management for my department. I found out I was really good at budgeting and money management. I was able to increase income, decrease expenses and turn a profit. I got a couple credit cards. We used the cards for everything from gas for the car to school books, to family presents, to clothes shopping. We usually carried a balance, not a high one, eventually, I paid off the cards, but kept them. I liked having my plastic, I was able to shop without having to answer to my boyfriend for each debit on our debit card.
After a long time together and divergent interests, the long time boyfriend and I split up. We were having issues and part of the issues were money issues. That too is another set of posts, relationships and money. The issue was I was trying to take control of my money and it did not go over too well with my boyfriend. I had for a number of years (almost nine), let him handle our money, how it was budgeted, how it was spent, what it was spent on. Now I was taking control of my own fiscal life. I had a 401K, I wanted to donate to charities more than we were doing, I wanted us to buy property (we lived in a nice and inexpensive rental), he did not.
After I left my boyfriend, I lived happily in the WDC metro area for about 2 years until an internal transfer in my company came up and I had the desire and urge to move back to New England. After 11 years, it was time to go 'home". As Yogi Berra said, it was Déjà vu al over again. I packed up my life in a U-Haul and moved to NE. I bought a very small house and worked at my company for about another year. The company was changing and I did not like the direction the company was taking. My new boss was a very difficult person (and in hindsight, I should have realized something was wrong when she went through 12 managers in her division in less than one year), I was hating the commute from my house to work (about 40 minutes on a good day, the work did not have regular hours, a lot of long time employees at the main office were leaving and I wanted out.
I read the local paper and saw a job announcement for an office manager in a local business. I interview and took the job despite a cut in salary and benefits. It had regular 9-5 hours and I figured I'd be able to get a part time job. I had a couple part time seasonal jobs, I had money in the bank, I had no great demands on my time or life, or my bank account. I was slowly paying down my credit cards and enjoying the change of pace while I tried to figure out my life. I thought I would just have an epiphany and get a new life and go back to my slightly workaholic way of life. 'Twas not to be. 9-11 happened and as we all know, the world changed.
In retrospect, I made several mistakes. I changed jobs and took a salary and benefits cut. I made the mistake of not having a decent emergency fund. I made the mistake of not realizing until it was really too late that I was pretty much underemployed, but at least employed and did nothing to change my situation until it was too late. I still used my credit cards, but not as much as I had. I did not plan for or anticipate various house expenses-new roof, new exterior paint job, the various DIY projects that always crop up that occur with home ownership and life expenses. I had a semi serious long distance relationship that started to drain me not only monetary, but emotionally as well. I made a bunch of pretty stupid decisions, many of them financial. I made the decision at one point to stop using my credit cards and just starting paying them off. I literally just stopped using them, lived on cash and made the effort to pay of the cards. Even with good advice and careful research, I was having money issues. I needed a better paying job and I needed to get my act together.
But what really got me in trouble was my lack of understanding of the Universal Default. It was Universal Default that eventually pushed me over the edge. I will admit I made some bad choices with my money, I had one car payment go missing, I made a double payment the next month and a couple months later I missed a payment. This was all it took for the Universal Default to kick in and that was all I needed to go into fiscal hell.
The next installment
How the Universal Default kicked my butt, how my family still managed to make me crazy, how my very fragile fiscal life fell apart, how I ended up Bankrupt and how I am "Bouncing Back".
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Tell All Tuesday~ Who The Heck Am I and How Did I End Up This Way
As promised in an earlier post, part 1 of my life story and how it relates to personal finance and money. Part 2 will be next week.
I grew up in a New York City Suburb in a middle class family. My grandparents arrived in America in the 1920's like so many other immigrant families in search of a better life than what was in the Old Country and to provide better opportunities for their family. The town I grew up in was full of hard working folks, a fairly progressive school system and close enough to NYC that many folks took the train into Queens and Manhattan for work.
My family was distinctly solid blue collar middle class, probably leaning towards the lower middle class in terms of family income, but money or lack of it was not a big topic in my family. We always had a roof over our heads, food on our table, new clothes for school; we took vacations, and had nice Holidays. A lot of this was made possible by the fact I lived in a two family house with my grandparents on the first floor (they owned the house) we lived on the second floor and I don't think my parents paid much, if any rent. Their rent was helping to take care of my grandparents and household expenses. My father was self employed and worked full time, my mother worked part time until I was in junior high school, then she worked full time at a local business. I was not that different than many of my school friends, this sort of living arrangement was very common. Almost all of my friends had multiple generations living at home and English was usually a second language in these homes.
My local public high school and park and rec department offered things like free swimming, tennis, golf, music, and drama lessons. We also had friends who had horses and like most young horse crazy girls, I rode and worked in the local stable to help pay for lessons. We had family members who lived in Florida, on the Connecticut Shore, on the Eastern End of Long Island (think great beaches) and in Canada-our vacations were usually to visit these family members in these exotic locations.
Money was something that we really never discussed (either having or not having it). I don't think either of my parents were great savers, I know my mother to this day can not save, she excessively spends. Money was never a topic of conversation until high school and my father was diagnosed with a cancer that eventually took his life.
I have a some distinct memories about money growing up. One grandmother scrimped and saved and enjoyed her money. She enjoyed saving her money and buying nice clothes for church, presents for her grandchildren and children and getting her hair done a couple times a month at the beauty parlor. She opened my first savings account and always encouraged me to put half my gift money into the savings account and use the other half as "pin money". My other grandmother was similar in her line of thinking, but I remember her NOT enjoying her money. I can remember her going on vacation, coming home and just complaining on how much money she spent. I never remember her saying she had a good time on vacation, just that it was expensive. My third distinct memory was my parents never really teaching me about money, savings, or planning for tomorrow.
What I do remember about my teen aged years was getting a lot of mixed messages about money. A lot. As I said earlier, I never really thought about money. I got money for Christmas and birthdays and it got put into a savings account. I had part time baby sitting jobs as soon as I was old enough, they helped to pay for my riding lessons and other things. Money gotten as presents was put into my "savings account". Growing up I got either jewelry or money as a presents, it was what my family did. I never really wanted for anything, I had what I needed and if I really wanted something extravagant, I worked and saved for it.
My first mixed money messages that I can remember was applying to colleges. Finances got very tight as my father became more ill and could not work. Senior class picture time came and my family could not afford the picture package that had the 8x10 and 5 x7's, we got one sheet of wallet sized photos. I'd go to friend’s houses and proudly sitting on the mantle or sideboard was the obligatory senior picture, not in my house. That was probably the first time I realized my family had a money issue. My father was very ill, yet my mother insisted that I apply for schools and encouraged me to apply to private colleges and not really focus on the State University System. I got into 4 of my 5 colleges. I ended up taking a position at a school about 4 hours from home that at the time cost a whopping $11,000 for tuition, room and board. The biggest factor in deciding to go to this school was the financial aid package. My parents would only have to come up with about $2,000 out of pocket; the rest was covered by loans, grants and scholarships. My mother was insistent that I go to my very expensive private four year college. I remember many of my cousins being surprised for two reasons. One reason was my cousins did not go away to college, if they went to school, they stayed local. I was bucking the family trend by going away to school. The other was the cost. I'm sure my family’s financial situation was discussed at my various cousins’ homes, families talk. I can remember one of my cousins asking if I was going to be able to stay in school once I got there.
Affording college was difficult. Like many students, I got through school on student loans, grants, scholarships, work study jobs, side jobs, summer jobs and the occasional cash present from family members.
I remember trying to talk to my mother about money as a college student and she just switching the conversation or totally ignoring me. She was not going to talk about money, especially hers, she loved getting information on my money. I needed to work on my financial aid, I needed books and supplies, I needed to know what support I was going to get. Her message to me was that school was important and she would support me, but when I would send a bill or ask for the money to pay a school bill, it always got pushed off, or sent in late. What I did find odd was that I would be told my promised payments would be late for a variety of pressing financial reasons, yet I would go home for a weekend at home (and to raid the pantry, do laundry, sleep in my own bed, eat some decent food, see friends), I'd find things like a new large screen TV, bags of new clothes, upgraded cable, a new VCR (in the early 80’s VCR’s were expensive), tales of going out to lunch and dinner almost every night of the week, yet my promised and very much needed $300 book allowance was always late.
The message I got from my mother through college and later through graduate school was a great example of a mixed signal. I was told I had to support myself and live independently and my attempts to do so were met with anything from resistance to sabotage. Harsh words, but in retrospect that is what happened.
I grew up in a New York City Suburb in a middle class family. My grandparents arrived in America in the 1920's like so many other immigrant families in search of a better life than what was in the Old Country and to provide better opportunities for their family. The town I grew up in was full of hard working folks, a fairly progressive school system and close enough to NYC that many folks took the train into Queens and Manhattan for work.
My family was distinctly solid blue collar middle class, probably leaning towards the lower middle class in terms of family income, but money or lack of it was not a big topic in my family. We always had a roof over our heads, food on our table, new clothes for school; we took vacations, and had nice Holidays. A lot of this was made possible by the fact I lived in a two family house with my grandparents on the first floor (they owned the house) we lived on the second floor and I don't think my parents paid much, if any rent. Their rent was helping to take care of my grandparents and household expenses. My father was self employed and worked full time, my mother worked part time until I was in junior high school, then she worked full time at a local business. I was not that different than many of my school friends, this sort of living arrangement was very common. Almost all of my friends had multiple generations living at home and English was usually a second language in these homes.
My local public high school and park and rec department offered things like free swimming, tennis, golf, music, and drama lessons. We also had friends who had horses and like most young horse crazy girls, I rode and worked in the local stable to help pay for lessons. We had family members who lived in Florida, on the Connecticut Shore, on the Eastern End of Long Island (think great beaches) and in Canada-our vacations were usually to visit these family members in these exotic locations.
Money was something that we really never discussed (either having or not having it). I don't think either of my parents were great savers, I know my mother to this day can not save, she excessively spends. Money was never a topic of conversation until high school and my father was diagnosed with a cancer that eventually took his life.
I have a some distinct memories about money growing up. One grandmother scrimped and saved and enjoyed her money. She enjoyed saving her money and buying nice clothes for church, presents for her grandchildren and children and getting her hair done a couple times a month at the beauty parlor. She opened my first savings account and always encouraged me to put half my gift money into the savings account and use the other half as "pin money". My other grandmother was similar in her line of thinking, but I remember her NOT enjoying her money. I can remember her going on vacation, coming home and just complaining on how much money she spent. I never remember her saying she had a good time on vacation, just that it was expensive. My third distinct memory was my parents never really teaching me about money, savings, or planning for tomorrow.
What I do remember about my teen aged years was getting a lot of mixed messages about money. A lot. As I said earlier, I never really thought about money. I got money for Christmas and birthdays and it got put into a savings account. I had part time baby sitting jobs as soon as I was old enough, they helped to pay for my riding lessons and other things. Money gotten as presents was put into my "savings account". Growing up I got either jewelry or money as a presents, it was what my family did. I never really wanted for anything, I had what I needed and if I really wanted something extravagant, I worked and saved for it.
My first mixed money messages that I can remember was applying to colleges. Finances got very tight as my father became more ill and could not work. Senior class picture time came and my family could not afford the picture package that had the 8x10 and 5 x7's, we got one sheet of wallet sized photos. I'd go to friend’s houses and proudly sitting on the mantle or sideboard was the obligatory senior picture, not in my house. That was probably the first time I realized my family had a money issue. My father was very ill, yet my mother insisted that I apply for schools and encouraged me to apply to private colleges and not really focus on the State University System. I got into 4 of my 5 colleges. I ended up taking a position at a school about 4 hours from home that at the time cost a whopping $11,000 for tuition, room and board. The biggest factor in deciding to go to this school was the financial aid package. My parents would only have to come up with about $2,000 out of pocket; the rest was covered by loans, grants and scholarships. My mother was insistent that I go to my very expensive private four year college. I remember many of my cousins being surprised for two reasons. One reason was my cousins did not go away to college, if they went to school, they stayed local. I was bucking the family trend by going away to school. The other was the cost. I'm sure my family’s financial situation was discussed at my various cousins’ homes, families talk. I can remember one of my cousins asking if I was going to be able to stay in school once I got there.
Affording college was difficult. Like many students, I got through school on student loans, grants, scholarships, work study jobs, side jobs, summer jobs and the occasional cash present from family members.
I remember trying to talk to my mother about money as a college student and she just switching the conversation or totally ignoring me. She was not going to talk about money, especially hers, she loved getting information on my money. I needed to work on my financial aid, I needed books and supplies, I needed to know what support I was going to get. Her message to me was that school was important and she would support me, but when I would send a bill or ask for the money to pay a school bill, it always got pushed off, or sent in late. What I did find odd was that I would be told my promised payments would be late for a variety of pressing financial reasons, yet I would go home for a weekend at home (and to raid the pantry, do laundry, sleep in my own bed, eat some decent food, see friends), I'd find things like a new large screen TV, bags of new clothes, upgraded cable, a new VCR (in the early 80’s VCR’s were expensive), tales of going out to lunch and dinner almost every night of the week, yet my promised and very much needed $300 book allowance was always late.
The message I got from my mother through college and later through graduate school was a great example of a mixed signal. I was told I had to support myself and live independently and my attempts to do so were met with anything from resistance to sabotage. Harsh words, but in retrospect that is what happened.
Part 11-Graduate School and beyond.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Some of My Best PF Tips for 2008-Part 1
Part of the purpose of this blog was to see if I could give out some PF advice, based on me making my own bad decisions, so that others don't have to go through the same process I am going through. Learn from my mistakes so you don't have to.
Some of these tips are tried and true, and almost all are borrowed from others.
1) Pay yourself first. I set up an auto debit to my HSA, my Emergency Fund and to my ING account. Every pay period, a set amount comes out of my base pay and goes directly to these accounts. I am slowly increasing the amount of my EF and my ING fund (new to me car fund) without having to even think about it. Also do this for your 401K or Roth IRA. This was something that I did not do for a number of years.
2) Make a budget and stick to it. I'm back to a budget and it's been tricky these first few months, I have been tracking my expenses, figuring out where I can cut back, etc. My suggestion is to track your expenses for a month, then review where you spend your money, then sit down and create a budget and see where and how you can economize. I have several set budget items, but some categories change each month(Utilities, Misc) depending on what is happening in my life. If you are very disciplined, you can start this from the get go, others may need to ease into it. You may have to do the envelope method, you may have to use another system, BUT DO IT!
3) Snowflake your debt: I Paid Twice for This has an excellent primer on Snowflaking. One of those lucky folks without debt, use the snowflake technique to increase your Emergency Fund or meet another financial goal.
4) Get rid of your excess credit cards. In this day and age, there is almost NO reason to have (in my mind) store specific credit cards. They tend to carry a higher interest rate and if you are trying to reduce your debt or use credit responsibly, you don't need them. Pay them off, freeze the account, cut up the cards, close the account.
5) Remember to enjoy your money. If you reach a specific financial goal, treat yourself! Save for and buy that flat screen TV, enjoy it! Take yourself out to a nice meal when you pay off a debt. This is not about cashing out your emergency fund, but to give yourself a treat when you reach a specific goal. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Being debt free is completely liberating, but it is a long process. You did not gather all this debt overnight, it will take more than overnight to get rid of it, but a little treat here and there makes the process more palatable.
6) Remember to give to charity: I know there is a lot of debate about donating to charity or tithing when folks are in debt, but I am a big believer that even some charitable donations can be done even on the tightest of budgets and folks should support the charity of thier choice with a donation, no matter how small it may be. I have drastically cut back, but I have two charities that I give to each year, one is a local food bank and one is animal related. This year my givng allowance is very limited but I still made a small donation to each charity. I buy a bag of food every couple months and donate it to the food pantry. I shop the specials and get the items on their needed list. The animal related charity got a very small check this year. A little good Karma does not hurt!
Some of these tips are tried and true, and almost all are borrowed from others.
1) Pay yourself first. I set up an auto debit to my HSA, my Emergency Fund and to my ING account. Every pay period, a set amount comes out of my base pay and goes directly to these accounts. I am slowly increasing the amount of my EF and my ING fund (new to me car fund) without having to even think about it. Also do this for your 401K or Roth IRA. This was something that I did not do for a number of years.
2) Make a budget and stick to it. I'm back to a budget and it's been tricky these first few months, I have been tracking my expenses, figuring out where I can cut back, etc. My suggestion is to track your expenses for a month, then review where you spend your money, then sit down and create a budget and see where and how you can economize. I have several set budget items, but some categories change each month(Utilities, Misc) depending on what is happening in my life. If you are very disciplined, you can start this from the get go, others may need to ease into it. You may have to do the envelope method, you may have to use another system, BUT DO IT!
3) Snowflake your debt: I Paid Twice for This has an excellent primer on Snowflaking. One of those lucky folks without debt, use the snowflake technique to increase your Emergency Fund or meet another financial goal.
4) Get rid of your excess credit cards. In this day and age, there is almost NO reason to have (in my mind) store specific credit cards. They tend to carry a higher interest rate and if you are trying to reduce your debt or use credit responsibly, you don't need them. Pay them off, freeze the account, cut up the cards, close the account.
5) Remember to enjoy your money. If you reach a specific financial goal, treat yourself! Save for and buy that flat screen TV, enjoy it! Take yourself out to a nice meal when you pay off a debt. This is not about cashing out your emergency fund, but to give yourself a treat when you reach a specific goal. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Being debt free is completely liberating, but it is a long process. You did not gather all this debt overnight, it will take more than overnight to get rid of it, but a little treat here and there makes the process more palatable.
6) Remember to give to charity: I know there is a lot of debate about donating to charity or tithing when folks are in debt, but I am a big believer that even some charitable donations can be done even on the tightest of budgets and folks should support the charity of thier choice with a donation, no matter how small it may be. I have drastically cut back, but I have two charities that I give to each year, one is a local food bank and one is animal related. This year my givng allowance is very limited but I still made a small donation to each charity. I buy a bag of food every couple months and donate it to the food pantry. I shop the specials and get the items on their needed list. The animal related charity got a very small check this year. A little good Karma does not hurt!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
OK Take a Breath and BREATHE
I got the call the other day from the Para-legal in my attorney's office. She needed two more items then I would be ok to come in and sign. Ok to come in and sign. That meant the final signature on my Bankruptcy Petition for the Court.
I said OK, I'll find the information and send it to you. I hung up the phone and felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. It was happening, it really was.
How did I get to Bankruptcy? Well, to quote the Queen of Personal Finance, Karyn Bosnak, 'Swipe, Sign and it was Mine." Sort of.
For a number of years I had managed my credit cards, I have a house with a small mortgage, I had a car payment, I had student loans. Someplace along the line I just made a lot of bad financial decisions, lots of bad decisions. I did realize at one point in time to stop using credit and pay for everything with cash, which I did, but I also spent the cash. I made some late payments on my car loan and then my credit card rates skyrocketed. One card went from 8% to 28% in less than three months. The headway I was making paying down my debt was wiped out. I could not keep up with the payments with the increased interest rates. I had 5 Credit Cards, almost all of them maxed out and in the five digit range and things got crazy. I had no savings, no emergency cash, none of those practical things someone should have. I lived paycheck to paycheck and it caught up with me. Plus my personal life and relationships had taken a weird turn. In and amongst this fiscal nightmare, I'm having to re-evaluate many of my personal relationships (and business ones as well).
How this happened, I have several theories, at one point I was a responsible person, with savings, a retirement plan, a boyfriend, a good job, hardly any debt.
All I can say at this point is my life fell apart. I could not pay my bills, I could not write checks out, I was paralyzed to pick up the phone and talk to Master Card. My part time business fell apart and I had to cut my (substantial) losses and end my business partnership. My partner ended up being more of a liability than an asset and at least I was smart enough to realize I was being taken advantage of for my skills and not being compensated for them. I just could not do it. I put my head in the sand and imagined the worst happening to me and it did.
If you believe The Secret, then you know about the Law of Attraction and all I was attracting was the bad stuff. Part of me wanted to know how this could have happened to me. I felt like a magnet and all I was attracting was the bad stuff. Now mind you I used to attract all sorts of good stuff. People, dogs, money, gifts, clients, possessions, it was all good stuff.
My goals now are to come back from bankruptcy. How to bounce back? I'm not sure yet. The court has not approved my petition, I still am not sure what is going to happen or what I will do.
Here are my goals, writing them down makes them tangible
1) Keep breathing and Keep positive
2) Make a new financial plan. I've already started by opening a HSA as my new job does not have a great health plan and I need to take better care of me
3) Remind myself that I am lucky enough to have food on my table and roof over my head.
4) Start planning for a better life, it may mean new friends, but plan for and expect better days.
5) Find a way to get financing for a new car- Now you may be saying, Bouncing, why would you want to finance a new car after your recent fiscal experience? Well my current vehicle is 9 years old and has 220,000 miles on it, I've put all but 41 of those miles and the poor car is starting to show it's age. More than anything else, I have good car karma, as long as the car is not red. Red Car and I have ïssues", any other color, we are good to go. When my petition is approved, I will be able to afford a new reliable vehicle. My current car is still reliable, but starting to fade..........
6) Get back in to Physical shape. Partly due to the stress, my physical health is being stressed. I know it's all due to the stress. I know it. I have to change it, plus I've eaten my way to two larger dress sizes and can't afford new clothes. I've turned into a round mound and I DONT LIKE IT!'I will never be slim and trim, but I know I can be fit and curvy and not a round mound.
I'm hoping to use this space to vent about this process and what I'm going through. I hope to end up making this a resource center for people in my situation. I really feel so alone in this entire process, so alone. Who wants to admit to anyone they have failed? Or to have the stigma that they are BANKRUPT.
I am going to work on turning my life around. I need it! And I'm starting to Breathe again. And that is good!
I said OK, I'll find the information and send it to you. I hung up the phone and felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. It was happening, it really was.
How did I get to Bankruptcy? Well, to quote the Queen of Personal Finance, Karyn Bosnak, 'Swipe, Sign and it was Mine." Sort of.
For a number of years I had managed my credit cards, I have a house with a small mortgage, I had a car payment, I had student loans. Someplace along the line I just made a lot of bad financial decisions, lots of bad decisions. I did realize at one point in time to stop using credit and pay for everything with cash, which I did, but I also spent the cash. I made some late payments on my car loan and then my credit card rates skyrocketed. One card went from 8% to 28% in less than three months. The headway I was making paying down my debt was wiped out. I could not keep up with the payments with the increased interest rates. I had 5 Credit Cards, almost all of them maxed out and in the five digit range and things got crazy. I had no savings, no emergency cash, none of those practical things someone should have. I lived paycheck to paycheck and it caught up with me. Plus my personal life and relationships had taken a weird turn. In and amongst this fiscal nightmare, I'm having to re-evaluate many of my personal relationships (and business ones as well).
How this happened, I have several theories, at one point I was a responsible person, with savings, a retirement plan, a boyfriend, a good job, hardly any debt.
All I can say at this point is my life fell apart. I could not pay my bills, I could not write checks out, I was paralyzed to pick up the phone and talk to Master Card. My part time business fell apart and I had to cut my (substantial) losses and end my business partnership. My partner ended up being more of a liability than an asset and at least I was smart enough to realize I was being taken advantage of for my skills and not being compensated for them. I just could not do it. I put my head in the sand and imagined the worst happening to me and it did.
If you believe The Secret, then you know about the Law of Attraction and all I was attracting was the bad stuff. Part of me wanted to know how this could have happened to me. I felt like a magnet and all I was attracting was the bad stuff. Now mind you I used to attract all sorts of good stuff. People, dogs, money, gifts, clients, possessions, it was all good stuff.
My goals now are to come back from bankruptcy. How to bounce back? I'm not sure yet. The court has not approved my petition, I still am not sure what is going to happen or what I will do.
Here are my goals, writing them down makes them tangible
1) Keep breathing and Keep positive
2) Make a new financial plan. I've already started by opening a HSA as my new job does not have a great health plan and I need to take better care of me
3) Remind myself that I am lucky enough to have food on my table and roof over my head.
4) Start planning for a better life, it may mean new friends, but plan for and expect better days.
5) Find a way to get financing for a new car- Now you may be saying, Bouncing, why would you want to finance a new car after your recent fiscal experience? Well my current vehicle is 9 years old and has 220,000 miles on it, I've put all but 41 of those miles and the poor car is starting to show it's age. More than anything else, I have good car karma, as long as the car is not red. Red Car and I have ïssues", any other color, we are good to go. When my petition is approved, I will be able to afford a new reliable vehicle. My current car is still reliable, but starting to fade..........
6) Get back in to Physical shape. Partly due to the stress, my physical health is being stressed. I know it's all due to the stress. I know it. I have to change it, plus I've eaten my way to two larger dress sizes and can't afford new clothes. I've turned into a round mound and I DONT LIKE IT!'I will never be slim and trim, but I know I can be fit and curvy and not a round mound.
I'm hoping to use this space to vent about this process and what I'm going through. I hope to end up making this a resource center for people in my situation. I really feel so alone in this entire process, so alone. Who wants to admit to anyone they have failed? Or to have the stigma that they are BANKRUPT.
I am going to work on turning my life around. I need it! And I'm starting to Breathe again. And that is good!
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